Gary Green

Have a Fun Thanksgiving!

2007-11-21T14:43:00.001-08:00

This is what MG and I will watch tonight while he wraps dates in bacon and I spread cream cheese and salmon on hash brown squares. Who needs a turkey?

Rest in Peace, Mister Wilson - Actor Dick Wilson Dies at 91

2007-11-19T12:37:00.001-08:00

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Dick Wilson, the character actor and pitchman who for 21 years played an uptight grocer begging customers "Please, don't squeeze the Charmin," died Monday. He was 91.

The man famous as TV's "Mr. Whipple" died of natural causes at the Motion Picture & Television Fund Hospital in Woodland Hills, said his daughter Melanie Wilson, who is known for her role as a flight attendant on the ABC sitcom "Perfect Strangers."

Wilson made more than 500 commercials as Mr. George Whipple, a man consumed with keeping bubbly housewives from fondling toilet paper. The punch line of most spots was that Whipple himself was a closeted Charmin-squeezer.

The first commercial aired in 1964 and by the time the campaign ended in 1985 the tag line and Wilson, a former Canadian airman and vaudeville veteran, were pop culture touchstones.

He also played a drunk on several episodes of "Bewitched," as appeared as various characters on "Hogan's Heroes," "The Bob Newhart Show," and Walt Disney productions.

Six....Count Em... Six New Ice Trays in my Freezer

2007-10-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

MG treats me so well. He bought me SIX NEW ICE TRAYS for my birthday! Who knows how much they set him back. The man knows where to spend his money!

I will NEVER BE OUT OF ICE AGAIN! I've been living off one lousy cracked tray for over a year, and been complaining about how unsatisfying my life has been as a result for just about as long. MG knows that it's the simple things that make life more enjoyable and define the difference between a good day and a day where I crawl up in a ball and cry.

Think of all the cold drinks I can have now! All the sore muscles I can readily numb into submission! The speedy rate at which my vodka will reach an acceptable drinking temperature! My icelandic scrod patties will stay well-preserved for decades to come!

MG, you are my hero!

Birthday 2007 was fantastic. I got everything I ever wanted, starting with a great boyfriend to spend it with. Though now that I have 30 Rock, The Jungle Book, Dallas Season 7, a back massager, slippers,a handy laptop desk to keep my computer from searing my lap, and all the ice a man could ever ask for, he may in fact never see me again!

Thanks baby! I love you!

Did You See the Giant Baby This Time?

2007-10-19T10:42:00.000-07:00

"The Office" beat out "30 Rock" last night in terms
of laughs, and it wasn't just because of the Toys R Us "Giant Baby" commercial.

Three weeks running and 30 Rock has chosen to starve its fans of what they love most: real Tina Fey-Alec Baldwin "exec on producer" action. It's not that it's a bad idea to split up your best comedic pair and let them venture into other comedic territory, and 30 Rock has still been great this season, but there's no question in my mind what I'm tuning in to see and it's this: Tina Fey just barely managing to contain the dramas of her high-strung writers and self-involved cast while using her last free leg to keep Jack's overbearing but insanely unimaginative hands off her show. That's why I loved Tina Fey's Amex commercial, and that's why I love 30 Rock. This show is about a woman trying to keep her life from falling apart, not about cookie jars. I want this show to spread its wings, and maybe in doing so they'll capture some more viewers. But last night was the first time I turned to MG at the end and said, "I'm disappointed." Thankfully, we had two plates full of ravioli and an entire loaf of garlic bread to ease the frustration.

GE Is looking for skeletons in Jack's closet now that he's been named as a contender to the CEO throne, so Jack hires an investigator to investigate him. The idea is that the investigator will find any threats from Jack's past so Jack can make them disappear before his bosses find out. Funny, but really, it makes no sense. In fact, it's a little crazy, which leads me to a separate thought: does anyone else think that Alec Baldwin looks like a lunatic in the new opening credits? Is this the direction the writers want to take him?

Meanwhile, now that philandering Tracy is being shadowed morning, noon and night by his wife, Angie, he's suddenly become responsible, on time and completely sane, which thrills Liz to no end. When Angie asks Liz to help keep an eye on him ("Will you be able to do it without falling in love with him?") Liz readily agrees.

Jenna is thrilled that her career has skyrocketed since she put on all the extra weight, and Jack couldn't be more supportive now that "me want food" has become a national catch phrase. I loved the ad Jenna did for Enorme, the fragrance for fat women. ("Available exclusively at your local drug store. Do not use if you're menstruating") Jenna is thrilled that she is finally a star and even more thrilled that boss Jack finally respects her.

Back to the Jack storyline, and enter Steve Buscemi as the investigator Jack has hired. Why go to the trouble and expense to get Steve Buscemi, and then give him nothing to do but play Alec Baldwin's straight man? Not only did the normally and delightfully eccentric Buscemi play normal, he actually looked normal. That never happens! I can only hope the show is planning to bring him back once or twice a season, a la Dr. Spaceman. Otherwise, what a waste! As for the investigation, the only real red flag point turns out to be that Jack has a secret massive collection of cookie jars. And, for the lame turn the story takes at this point, Alec Baldwin deserves every award Hollywood can dump on his doorstep. "This is bad," Buscemi tells Jack, and I couldn't agree more. Even more ridiculous is that Jack attends cookie jar conventions in a Pointdexter bow-tie under the alias "Victor Nightingale." Referencing it would be one thing, but providing it in a flashback just made it all a real headscratcher. But Alec Baldwin manages to make it funny, and Jack takes this threat of losing his most prized collection as stingingly as he would a demotion to a smaller office or a sudden attack of erectile dysfunction (please don't give him a storyline about erectile dysfunction).

Meanwhile, Jenna discovers that despite her best efforts, she's actually losing weight, which threatens not only her offer to play Ms. Pac Man in the live-action Atari movie, but also spells doom to her newfound respect from Jack. Jack assigns Kenneth to watch her 24/7 and make sure she stays plump ("Keep Jenna fat, keep Jenna funny.") Kenneth does his best to force-feed Jenna with a modern-day twist on the old "here comes the airplane" bit ("uh oh... an Indian got up to use the bathroom and an air marshall shot him!") But nothing works, and Jenna continues to worry that her stardom will shrink as fast as her tummy does.

Tracy, who finds out Angie has stepped out for a hair appointment, decides to bolt to a strip joint. Though Liz insists Angie will kill them both if she finds out, Tracy refuses to stay put, and gives my favorite line of the night ("You can't ask a bird not to fly, you can't ask a fish not to swim, you can't ask a tiger not to turn back into a Chinese person at midnight.") I'll go ahead and call that as MG's favorite line of the night as well, and reserve him the right to edit me later. Close second would be, "I feel terrible about doing this to you, Liz. But the only way I can feel better about myself is to get booby-slapped by a coked-out Russian stripper" Tracy Morgan, in my estimation, has yet to be given a storyline he doesn't nail perfectly. I hope now that Jenna is holding some star power of her own, we get to see these two self-involved spotlight-hoggers clash. Jenna's hinted before that she isn't wild about Tracy being a part of the show, and I think there is some real comedy gold there. If they can set these two up right, this show has its "Jack and Karen" scene-stealing supporters.

"Women with low self esteem take refuge in either food or sex," tells Liz when a desperate Kenneth comes to her for advice on how to keep Jenna plump. Then comes the most bizarre flashback where Liz is insulted by comedian Jackie Mason and can't help but throw herself at him. The best thing about using whip-flashbacks like this is whether they succeed ("Gimmee your fingernails," "Bar Mitzvah Werewolf" ) or are questionable (this one, the cookie jar convention), they're over before you have time to turn your head and give a quizzical look to your gay life partner who is downing his fourth piece of garlic bread. Kenneth returns, armed with his new insult approach, and proceeds to hammer Jenna about her weird mole, her break-up with David Blaine, and the fact that she lied about her brother drowning so people wold come to her one-woman show. But this backfires, and instead of diving into the food, Jenna becomes entranced and throws herself at Kenneth. Where this actually went we don't see, but the fact that Kenneth later suggests he and Jenna have to get married means there could be some tremendously funny Jack McBrayer/Jane Krakowski interaction in the weeks ahead.

Tracy returns from the strip club and when Angie asks where he's been, Liz stands behind her and feeds charades to Tracy so his answer will match the excuse she's already provided. Liz snakes her arm up and down and rapidly sticks out her tongue (Tracy: "My cobra Ramsey..."). Liz mimes a cough and wraps her hand around her throat (...he got sick so i took him to the vet...). Liz smiles and gives a thumbs up and nods approvingly (...then my thumb got caught in my butt, so I nodded my head til it came out.") Angie quickly puts it all together, and immediately throws all the blame on Liz ("I trusted you. You wear glasses!") It's too bad Sherri Shepherd is over at "The View" because I could watch her play this character every week. She's really the only true foil we've seen for Tracy so far. Eventually, when Liz insists that Angie leave the building, Tracy has to step up and keep the two women apart. This act of maturity turns Angie on, and within a heartbeat the two fall to the floor as Liz tries to back out while shielding her eyes, ("Oh wow! you guys START with that!) Hysterical.

And for a third week Scott Adsit was given nothing to do! Not that he's pivotal, but he's the only true sounding board Liz has got. Plus. we've seen next to nothing of the TGS writers. I know the roster is pretty full, but share the wealth. Carrie Fisher guests next week as Liz's comedy idol who's hired for the show and causes friction with her radical ideology, so hopefully the A story will be TGS-centric. Plus, Jack takes Tracy to a therapist, which means Jack goes back to being the relatively sane one in a storyline. Let's keep it that way. No more bow ties!

Ryan's Hope - Something Strange is Going on Here

2007-10-05T13:56:00.000-07:00

1975 daytime tv lighting means you'll have to really pay attention to see it (look at the shorts). Aside from Kate Mulgrew, two bad kid actors and the presence of a female zombie, there's something very strange coing on in this clip of Ryans Hope, and it steps out of the elevator. I don't think it's his knee he wants people to look at - and they don't!

The Kids from "Superbad" Have a Message for Me

2007-10-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

This was taken off the Super Deluxe website in early August. Nice to know I have nothing to worry about, plus every site needs a little McLovin!

Did You See the Giant Baby on 30 Rock?

2007-10-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

Michael sure did. As the show rolled into its first commercial break, I shifted into "small talk about myself" mode, and suddenly Michael pointed at the screen and yelled, "GIANT BABY!"

I looked back at the screen - no giant baby. "Where?" I asked, and startd to back up my DVR until suddenly his eyes went saucer-like and the pointed finger shot out from his shoulder once again, "There! Giant baby! He's destroying the city!" This and the Tina Fey AMEX commercial made 30 Rock even more fun and brilliant than it normally was. Every show needs a giant baby!

The Bionic Woman: NBC Wednesdays

2007-09-27T19:51:00.000-07:00

Jaime Sommers (Michelle Ryan) is a boring college drop-out who tends bar at a San Francisco nightclub, and she is a very, very slow drink maker. Not only is she slow, but she seems to regularly put down the bottles and the glasses mid-pour to take time out and smile preciously at her customers and flip her bangs out of her eyes. Jaime’s boyfriend, Will is a boring bio-ethics professor who wears two-day stubble and the standard ill-fitting sport coat over a ratty Gap shirt. Will claims he loves Jaime because she’s “different” and “unexpected,” which is also the way one might describe the day you mistakenly wore your underwear backwards and realized the sensation pleased you. Is that all he can muster… different and unexpected? The last time I experienced different and unexpected was when I accidentally bought an “all natural” toothpaste and instead of being met with minty freshness and cool winter breeze, I got a mouthful of proplis and myrrh. It wasn’t pleasant. But for Jaime Sommers, it’s all more than enough. If there was ever a character that needed to be re-built, it’s Jaime Sommers. And if there ever was a character you hoped would be hit broadside by a semi truck going eighty miles an hour, it’s Jaime Sommers.

The good news is both of these things happen to Jaime Sommers. The bad news is you have to sit through about eleven minutes of set-up, boring back story, and Jaime’s bratty little sister Becca, who demonstrates her angst by playing her music too loudly, defiantly eating pop tarts for breakfast and generally stomping and screaming around the way I did as a kid when my sister wouldn’t leave the living room so I could watch Small Wonder without anybody knowing I liked it.

Post-car crash, Will is nearly unscratched, but Jaime unfortunately is a Manwich from scalp to shoe. Fortunately, Will also sidelines for some super-secret non-specific organization that operates underground and has miles and miles of dimly lit corridors, high-tech conference rooms and a fully functioning OR, complete with nightclub lighting and an overhead lounge where his superiors can blurt out the standard nefarious but ultimately meaningless lines such as “this operation doesn’t officially exist, and “we have deniability.”

Around this point, I started thinking about going on-line and seeing if there were any clips from Small Wonder on YouTube. Heck, at this point, staring at a Small Wonder lunchbox would have been more fun. And that’s really the problem with this new version of The Bionic Woman. This show has next to no fun. It’s all darkness with no light to counter it. That light should be the character of Jaime, but instead Jaime remains dour and sullen before, during and after her megabyte makeover. The back stories for all the supporting characters are showered with tragic deaths, noble regrets and daddy issues. And I can’t recall a single scene that had the sun in it. The original Bionic Woman took itself seriously too, but it also found time to wink at the audience now and again. Exploring an actual emotional range is important for any show that’s gonna ask me to watch for an hour and care about anyone in it.

The effects were hit and miss as well. We all know the scene NBC leaked at the beginning of summer where a battered and bandaged Jaime throws back her hospital bed sheet and shrieks at the site of her robotic replacement legs. Interestingly, they seemed to have gone back to the drawing board with this particular effect, but the result doesn’t really, look any more convincing. The C3PO feet looked ridiculous, but the upgrade just looks plain uninspired.

In addition, Jaime’s super-speed running shown as a blurry streak with a face pasted on the end of it was laughable, and hearing her rapid clippity-cloppity footsteps made me wonder if she was fighting to save the day or win the Belmont Stakes.

But there is an upside, and it’s a great one. It turns out that Jaime is actually the second Bionic Woman. The first is named Sarah Corvus (Katee Sackhoff), and not only was she the one driving the semi that hit Jaime and Will, but she has also gone “Bionic Berzerkers” which means she slicks back her blond hair and wears nothing but black, making her a cross between a Hitchcock Blond and a Matrix-inspired bitch goddess. She’s a neck-snapping, weapon-toting smokes-in-the-rain without an umbrella kind of gal, and she has actually gone so far as to replace some of her remaining human parts with bionics she installed herself, though how she knew how to do this is not explained. But hey, I know a doctor that performed liposuction on himself, so I’m gonna throw in on this one. Sarah Corvus is too cool for the room. In fact, she’s too cool for this series. If they don’t do something to create a real contrast between her and Jaime, instead of making them so much alike (save for wardrobe), she’s gonna run away with the show.

I’m going to skip the parts where Will tells Jaime that her bionics have actually hard-wired her to be a killing machine and if she doesn’t learn how to control them, she could end up as whacked-out as Sarah. And I’m also going to skip the part where in response to this horrifying revelation, Jaime goes to bed with him. And I’m really going to skip the Superman inspired scene where a little girl witnesses Jaime turbo-running and when her mother admonishes her not to make up stories, the little girl throws out one of those lamely injected “girl power” moments by saying, “I just thought it was cool that a girl could do that, that’s all.”

Of course, this whole hour is really all about the countdown to the inevitable “Jaime versus Sarah” rooftop battle, and when it finally happens, there are the requisite no-longer-impressive “leaping incredible bounds” effects injected in so NBC can fool people into thinking they might be watching Heroes. And even this becomes ridiculous, when Sarah calls a time out in the fight by actually saying “time out,” and then giving a lame Bond villain exposition before calling “time in” and promptly breaking Jaime’s non-bionic arm, which Jaime is miraculously able to use only moments later to hang on to the side of the building Sarah has thrown her over.

Oh, and Jaime was pregnant before the car accident, so once she discovers that Sarah was the one driving the semi, the ads in TV Guide can start saying things like “Now… it’s personal.” Just you wait.

And that’s the all-new souped-up Bionic Woman for 2007. The good news is that there’s a lot of potential. The even better news is that if it becomes a success, the original series may finally be released on Region One DVD.

But the best news is that I discovered there are tons of clips of Small Wonder on YouTube. You know you watched it. "La, la, la-la-la-la. She’s fantastic, made of plastic, microchips here and there… She’s a miracle, and I grant you, she’ll enchant you at first sight! La, la, la-la-la-la!"

Mrs. Potts Gets What's Coming to Her

2007-06-29T09:49:00.000-07:00

I didn't like her goody two-shoes act in the movie, and I'm happy to see the busybody teapot humiliated in front of no doubt tens of fans at the "Beauty and the Beast" live show at the Disney Resort in Florida.

In truth, if I had to dance around in one of those plexiglass/stryfoam body prisons, I probably wouldn't demonstrate much more grace. Shit, I go to Disneyland three or four times a year and stuff like this never happens when I've got the camera rolling!

SuperTrip 2007 - San Francisco, Grace Cathedral, Cable Cars, Legion of Honor, Azul Bar and more!

2007-05-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

What do to when you've got about 2 minutes of quality footage from your tip to San Francisco, but you're dying to put it to a song that's over four minutes in length?
You quickly learn how to manipulate the finer function of Final Cut Pro and you get creative!
The result? Part one of my footage from SuperTrip 2007 with MG! I was inspired by my boy's spontaneous rendition of "I Did it All for the Nookie" in the back seat of the convertible on the way to the Legion of Honor, and figured the best way to showcase it was to use the song as a whole. Mix in some footage from the Golden Gate Bridge, the Cable Car Museum, a grumpy cat, bar art from the Azul and some archive footage and a masterpiece was born. Pics from this segment of the trip follow below. Please let me know what you think.
Also, if you can share with me tips on how to embed a QuickTime file into blogger, I'd be happy to replace this with a non-compressed, much more vivid version currently sitting on my hard drive and waiting to find a home on cyberspace.
Enjoy!
ST2K7

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Kate Walsh and the "Grey's Anatomy" Spin off - Ellen DeGeneres Show

2007-05-09T12:12:00.000-07:00

Ellen knows how to get right to the bottom of things. Check out this clip from the Thursday, May 10th show. Tired of wondering whether or not Kate Walsh's "Grey's Anatomy" spin-off will get picked up for the fall by ABC? Me too! And apparently Ellen is as well so smack in the middle of the interview, she decides to call Steve McPherson, President of ABC Entertainment and gets the answer! I love people who cut through the BS and get the answers!

Enjoy!

NBC shows signs of Prime Time Competence!

2007-04-04T13:45:00.000-07:00

30 Rock has just gotten the go for Season Two, which means I can now spend the $29.95 I had ear-marked for the first (and what I thought would be only) season Box Set complete with zero extras and lousy cardboard flip out packaging on Ketel One vodka instead!

But such will not be the case. NBC has done right by me!

As a reward, I may even sample the pitiful-looking Real Wedding Crashers when it premieres later this month.

Based on Rock's timeslot opposite that show with the lisping girl who's a doctor of some sort, I can understand why no one is watching, but what I can't understand is why television critcs, bloggers and journalists aren't giving it more praise and mentions for its masterful delivery of quick, sharp, topical jokes every single week.

30 Rock airs right after the Super-Sized episode of The Office this Thursday. If you can't be pulled away from ABC, at least give it a Tivo sampling.

It's really funny. Any show that can shoot Wayne Brady in the ass at the Source Awards and make a romantic pairing out of Alec Baldwin and Condoleeza Rice is worth the investment of your time!

Maybe now the first season box set with come with a commentary track and trading cards!

Hollywood on Fire

2007-03-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

A few pics of the fire that is currently raging in Los Angeles, taken by MG from his viewpoint in Hollywood. I'm on the other side of the hill right now in Burbank, less than a mile from the Oakwood Apartments where the blaze started.

...What Do I Plan on Doing Tonight?

2007-03-21T20:00:00.000-07:00

Based on what I just picked up at Vons, I apparently plan to clean, get drunk and then record stuff. I guess we'll see how it plays out.

...When the McCartan School of Irish Dance Made My Office Tremble

2007-03-19T14:30:00.000-07:00

OK, first watch the McCartan School of Irish Dance performers pound the boards on the 2007 St. Patrick's Day episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

Charming, right?

Now, the ugly truth.

Watch the video below of my office in the firm grasp of severe Irish jig tremors as the dancers rehearse in the conference room on the other side of my wall.

Though this video is mercifully brief, don't be fooled. They were at it for hours. They even brought in lunch for them so they wouldn't have to stop.

Feel bad for me. Feel worse for my fishies!

And as a special bonus, one of my co-workers snuck in when I was downstairs and left me a message at the end of the video. Be sure to watch for it. What a freak!

When I Met Bob Barker

2007-03-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

I waited outside the man's dressing room for over ten minutes trying to figure out what I wanted to say. I've been hooked on TPIR since I was a kid (if you've followed my blog over the last few months you've probably already figured that out) and truly he is one of the major reasons I wound up working in non-scripted television. You have to figure that a guy who is as beloved by so many generations of people as he is, at heart, must be a pretty decent fellow, and I certainly was not disappointed. I asked him if he planned on writing a book, and when he said he wasn't sure there would be a lot of interest, I told him I thougt he had really mis-judged what the world thinks of him. He was very laid back about who would replace him on the show, and really seemed to hope that whoever gets the job manages to run away with it. No bitterness about leaving at all - I suppose that's because he's doing it entirely on his terms and while he is still at the top of his game. Would that we could all be that fortunate.

It was a dream come true getting to ask him questions, discuss what I thought about the different games on the show, swap the names of mutual friends in the business, and thank him for the years of superb hosting and overall genuine entertainment, I almost decided to forego asking for a picture, but when I remembered I had the digi-cam in my back pocket, I went ahead and asked, and he was more than happy to oblige me.

It will be tough to watch TPIR with anyone else at the helm, and Bob's not giving much in the way of clues as to who is coming after him. it's pretty tough to find anyone in the industry who has managed to stay at job for one year, let alone 35! Truly a once in a lifetime moment for me.

Past "Price is Right" Entries
TPIR Hotties of the week
When the contestants get surly on "The Price is Right."

Watch "30 Rock" this Thursday!

2007-02-28T13:00:00.001-08:00

Dark Roasted Blend: Religion Can Be Funny!

2007-02-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite stopping posts during my long, torturous day is Dark Roasted Blend which is never without a recent addition of off-the-wall galleries, many pics from which now grace my office door and get lots of compliments (anyway I can garner more attention for myself!). Today, it's all about Nuns and Guns. Hit the link above for more! Pics from some of its recent posts are below. And the last one is just me looking hot (again... garner, attention,myself).

The Oscars: The Worst of the Best

2007-02-23T10:08:00.000-08:00

Rotten Tomatoes has released its ranking of all 79 Oscars winners for Best Picture from worst to best, based on critical consensus, and has named The Greatest Show on Earth as the Worst Best Picture ever!

"The Greatest Show on Earth is melodramatic, short on plot, excessively lengthy and bogged down with clichés, but not without a certain innocent charm."

This is sure to wipe Britney off homepages around the globe!

Has anyone ever seen this movie? Is it about a circus? Did a movie about the circus actually take home an Oscar for Best Picture?

Anyway, I have to work Sunday during the Oscars, so I don't feel real compelled to put in much effort at the job right now. Plus, Rotten Tomatoes takes a long time to jump from one page to the next, and each one of these films is on its own page (boy they'll be racking up the stats), so I'll take you through the high(low)lights.

Of the bottom ten pictures listed, I don't think I've seen any. Sure, I've heard of The Great Ziegfeld but weren't there a bunch of those Follies type movies made that also had the word Ziegfeld in the title? Aren't they all pretty much the same... overhead shots of chorus girls in a circle with feather boas over their heads and then... boom! They drop their boas down to the floor so it looks like some goofy oversized flower opening up? That's the oldest trick in the book

Crash is number 74! God, no one's ever gonna get me to watch that movie. I wasn't all Brokeback or anything, but no movie with Sandra Bullock in it should ever win anything.

#72 - Forrest Gump - "An overly sentimental film with a somewhat problematic message, but its sweetness and charm are occasionally enough to approximate true depth and grace." Laura hates this flick. She refers to it as "that lame movie where Tom Hanks is ugly and stupid and he grows a long beard and runs all the way to Vietnam."

#64 - Driving Miss Daisy - Everyone knocks this movie and Jessica Tandy for winning, but whenever I catch this movie playing on TBS, I always sit down and watch it, no matter how much of it I've missed. of course, I do the same thing with My Fellow Americans and A Very Brady Sequel so maybe I don't have much of a point.

#62 - Gigi - "Gaston, do you make love all the time?" (That's for Laura)

#53 - The English Patient. I spent two and a half hours counting the teeny tiny light bulbs embedded in the floor of the theatre aisles. I'll cover my tongue in honey and staple it to a beehive before I watch this cow stool again.

#52 - How Green Was My Valley - I took my friends Sean and Kirk to see this movie about a Welsh mining town because I love it so much, and they snickered through the whole thing! I've hated and looked down a little at Sean ever since. If you have a chance, rent it. It'll be the best 5 hours of your life.

#50 - Ordinary People - This is one of those movies that I've only seen once and don't plan on ever seeing again. Even though I loved it, it's an ordeal - Mary Tyler Moore is a frigid bitch, Donald Sutherland is a eunoch, and Timothy Hutton wins an Oscar for barking through the family photo session. Creepy and sad. I don't want to know that families like this exist.

#42 - American Beauty - Really good. Impressive family drama. I watch it every week. I especially like it when Sally Field's character butts in and her kids drink wine and complain about her in the linen closet, and Calista gets all doe-eyed for some handsome actor who was big in the 80's and trips on her high heel. Do I have the right series?

#41 - Terms of Endearment - I love the kid who plays Debra Winger's first son during his earlier years because he totallly improvs lines through the whole thing and they kept them all in the movie. Who could forget his stunning delivery on "oops I dropped my gum." Serious chops.

#40 - Ben Hur - I'm sick of hearing about the god-damn chariot race. I mean, I know I'll be impressed if I ever see it, but is there anything else in this film worth mentioning? Ever? Plus, the cover of the DVD box is orange and I don't like orange.

#38 - I didn't really get why this movie about divorce was such a big deal when I saw it as a kid. But man did I freak when the kid falls off the monkey bars with his model airpline, and the glass from the little window cuts open his eye! I could totally relate to that.

#36 - Million Dollar Baby - I think this is the first movie I went and saw with my Million Dollar Baby, who if he ever becomes a drooling, tonge-biting drain on my fun, I will totally pull the plug on. Also, this movie would have been way cooler if instead of Hilary Swank, they used Mary-Kate Olsen.

#33 - Hamlet - Shakespeare is boring

#32 - Shakespeare in Love - see 33

#30 - The Lost Weekend - This story about addiction has not really aged all that well. Drink a martini and smoke a lot of dope before you watch it. Or just drink a martini, smoke a lot of dope and watch Xanadu.

#25 - The Sting - this movie bores me. They should have put a kid who says "Oops I dropped my gum" somewhere in it. Or maybe John Lithgow pulling up to another car that also just pulled up, honking and saying with an dopey over-excited grin, "We both got here at the same time!" Anyone? Anyone?

People keep coming in and asking me about work. Fridays suck.

#24 - The Silence of the Lambs - Oscar winner or not, I don't think I could come up with 23 films I like more than this one. Too bad they've sequelized it to death. The only thing left is "Kid Hannibal" on the Disney Channel.

#23 - It Happened One Night - this is one of the movies I would Netflix, look at sitting on the shelf for a week, send back, then Netflix again, and never watch. Why do I do that?

#20 - Patton - The only scene anyone ever shows is him talking in front of the great big American flag. Is there more to it? Seriously, have you ever seen another clip played when this movie is being referenced?

#19 - Unforgiven - looks great on my new 42-inch LCD.

#18 - Schindler's List - I suppose if they didn't put it this high, someone would start some kind of petition or something.

#16 - The French Connection - really smart action movie, gritty and real, excpet Gene Hackman's first name is Popeye and no on ever makes a funny about it.

#15 - Amadeus - this is the first DVD I ever bought. I still haven't opened it.

#13 - An American in Paris - I watched this for the first time the day after I watched Singin' in the Rain for the first time and Rain is way better. The dancing and the music in Paris are amazing, and the film is gorgeous to look at, but the story sucks balls.

#12 - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - My hygeine teacher showed us this movie in high school. I don't know why.

#7 - The Best Years of Our Lives - Clearly a misprint, unless the judging panel was my grandma and her bingo buddies.

#6 - Marty - Ernest Bornine is way better in The Poseiden Adventure when his girlfriend who doesn't wear panties falls off the railing into the fiery water and he screams, "Linda! Linda! My Linda! Linda Linda! Linda! uh... line? Oh yeah... LIIIIINNNNDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAA!"

#5 - Rebecca - the birth of the nefarious lesbian housekeeper.

#4 - Sunrise - Yeah, this didn't win an Oscar for Best Picture. It won for Best Unique and Artistic Production, you idiots!

#3 - All About Eve - Shit, I still haven't see The Godfather on here which means it's #2 or #1

#2 - On the Waterfront - aw fuck,

#1 - The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas!

Just kidding. Yeah, it's The Godfather This list sucks. I refuse to provide a hyperlink. Find it yourselves, fucktards. Enjoy the Oscars!

Amillia Taylor, World's Youngest Surviving Premature Baby

2007-02-22T11:58:00.000-08:00

The picture is almost too unreal looking to believe, but those are the feet of an actual, breathing baby, born after just over five months in the womb. When Amillia Taylor was born on October 24th, 2006, she was 9.5 inches long and only 10 ounces heavy!

To give you a comparsion, here are some other things that weigh ten ounces:

A half-jar of preserves
A ceramic lizard mug
A botle of hot sauce

Now 17 weeks old, Amillia is expcted to be realeased from the hospital within the next few days. She was originally scheduled to go home on the 19th, but it was decided that she should stay under observation for a while longer.

With proper care and attention, she is expected to go on to live a totally normal life. Amazing!

Pic from Cellar Image of the Day, which also has a pic of what the much healthier (and larger) Amillia is looking like right now

Michael Granberry - from "Valley of Gwombi" to "Adventures with the Ambersons"

2007-02-19T14:21:00.000-08:00

My baby has come a long way in two years. Gearing up for part 2 of "Adventures with the Ambersons," which will be premiering on TBS-owned Super Deluxe in the next few weeks, below is a recap of the work he's already got under his belt. And for kicks, his phone number is there too, so you can call him and say hello. He's probably carving some clay as you read this. Tell him GaryGreenLives.com sent you! Ya'll can take a gander at Michael's blog right about here!

Sick and Twisted Boyfriend Michael Granberry presents "Adventures with the Ambersons" Part One

2007-02-08T11:54:00.000-08:00

So messed up and so brilliant all at once. I miss the abortion joke left on the cutting room floor. Maybe in Episode 2????

You can find out more about Michael and "Ambersons" on the SuperDeluxe home page!

30 Rock is Great!

2007-01-25T10:53:00.000-08:00

I wish more people would watch this show so when I reference jokes from it people don't tilt their heads to the side and furrow their brows like a confused terrier.

CNN's got a great article about the show on their site right now, and Tina Fey is co-hosing The View this morning (Joy Behar makes a cameo on 30 Rock tonight). I'd wish NBC would drop the show into some other timeslots so people can sample it. Right now, the only people who seem to know how funny it is are me and my boyfriend, who does the BEST Tracy Morgan: "Bread will never maybe attack your brain again!"

Hey! Kelly Leak Got an Oscar Nomination!

2007-01-23T12:20:00.000-08:00

Jckie Earle Haley, who was nominated as Best Supporting Actor for Little Children. What's next? A People's Choice for Timmy Lupus, the booger-eatin' moron?

1/24/07 - CNN is currently running a story on Jackie Earle - check it out here

Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space

2007-01-22T17:52:00.000-08:00

I was just recounting this powerhouse of a series to Michael the other day and decided a brief Googling was in order. This was the second season of the show and the prodcuers apparently felt the need to pump up the excitment by sending the very Earth-bound teen rock and roll band into the stars. It didn't really make much of a difference as the stories were all pretty cookie-cutter and more or less a weekly Scooby Doo rip-off anyway, but hey - I watched.

From beginnig to end, the series only produced 32 episodes, though as a kid it seemed there were like 175 different episodes at least. The show was clearly not a huge success for the Hanna-Barbara juggernaut at the time, but certainly gained a following in the years afterwards. A feature film, a tidy little ancillary market and nearly everyone in their mod-thirties being able to sing the theme song from beginning to end is a testament to that. Below, you can watch the theme songs from both Season One and Season Two. I know, I know. Your prayers are answered. You can thank me later.

Lunar.org has a detailed page about the series and how it came to be, along with some stills, and an explanation of how the band was launched into outer space for Season Two, as if one was really necessary for the average bleary-eyed 8 year old just out of bed:

"The story of how our heroes wound up in outer space (as recounted under the credits of every show) is that the band was invited to play at the launch of a new NASA spaceship (well, a new spaceship, anyway; there are no NASA logos or anything else that would indicate who built it, but there was nobody else in the US building spaceships at the time). They ride to the top of the gantry and pose in front of the open hatch for a photo-op. Alexandra attempts to knock Josie out of the spotlight (literally) with a body slam and they all go tumbling into to the open hatch. In a gravity and orientation challenged sequence worthy of Rocketship X-M, they fall inside, but the close-up shows them falling in toward the control panel at the front of the cabin (meaning that they were falling up since the rocket is standing on its tail). Anyway, as she falls, Alexandra grabs the launch lever and pulls it, sending them off. You don’t have to worry what happened to the photographers still on the gantry (who should have gotten toasted as the ship roared off) because the gantry conveniently disappears for the long shot of the ship taking off."

Ian Ziering is Coming to Dancing with the Stars

2007-01-22T17:25:00.000-08:00

During the 90210 reign in the 90's it was never a question of Dylan or Brandon for me, but rather whether or not hunky Ian Ziering was gonna take his shirt off and sweat it up on the football field with his frat brothers. Ian is one of those guys that will always looks good no matter how he ages. It's all in his eyes and his smile. Would that we all could have been so graciously blessed by the Lord above. Now, Ian will be brining those lovely attributes, along with a few others below the neck to the next season of Dancing with the Stars, filling the "washed-up stud on the road to career redemption via the reality comeback trail" category. Can't wait to see how my boy fills out those tight little chinos as he swings those hips from one end of my forty-inch LCD to the other. Can't wait!
And if anyone has any shirtless pics of the lovely Ian just burning a hole in your hard drive, please send them my way!

T.R. Knight: Isaiah Called Me a "Faggot"

2007-01-17T11:36:00.000-08:00

On today's Ellen DeGeneres show, newly-out Grey's Anatomy actor T.R. Knight states that co-star Isaiah Washington called him a faggot, openly on the Grey's set for all to hear, and that this was the cause of the ruckus that developed between Washington and Patrick Dempsey.

Someone has posted the interview to YouTube. Knight seems very uneasy even talking about it, but clearly he wants to (or feels driven to) set the record straight and put a slap-down on Washington, who denied the slur again last night backstage at the Golden Globes and in doing so used the word again, dragging all the focus back onto it.

Can you imagine having to show up to work there today?

You can see the full interview today on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and if you miss it you can catch it the following week on The Oxygen Channel

Ellen does a great job putting Knight at ease. Very classy. I wonder if Washington will be making the talk show rounds soon, though according to T.V. Guide, it's possible he won't have any project to promote.

Little Miss Sunshine Cast Plays Musical Chairs on ELLEN

2007-01-15T15:28:00.000-08:00

I loved Little Miss sunshine, but I love it even more after watching how much fun the cast had playing Musical Chairs on today's epsiode of Ellen. They're still playing off each other like pros. I think this kind of chemistry warrants a sequel of some kind... Little Miss Moonlight perhaps? Probably best to leave it as is. The movie is worth the rental. I hope it pulls down a couple Golden Globe awards tonight at the very least.

Pups is Pups: Adorable Italian Mastiff Puppies

2007-01-14T15:45:00.000-08:00

A friend of my sister's family had an Italain mastiff that just gave birth to eleven puppies. They'll be going over on Martin Luther King, Jr. in person to see them, but I have to work, so I'll have to make do with these pictures, though I am thinking about calling in sick. It would be so worth it to pick up a few of these little tykes and snuggle with them.

RIP Lily Munster

2007-01-10T12:08:00.000-08:00

Yvonne DeCarlo has died of natural causes at the age of 84. Though she had an extensive career in flims, she is no doubt best known for the role of Lily Munster, on The Munsters which only ran from 1964 through 1966.

I was personally always a much bigger fan of The Munsters than I was the competing Adams Family. And Yvonne was quite a hottie, even slathered in green paint and cobwebs. Do yourself a favor and Netflix Munster, Go Home!. It's a lot of fun!

Oh My God... Kelly Loves Shoes

2007-01-09T14:22:00.000-08:00

Click Here to advance to the ForTheBoys TV demo
Click Here for the naked shower salute to The Jeffersons theme song

It's been over six months since I posted Kelly's Shoes (Oh My God... Shoes) and it's still scoring me a lot of search engine hits. So I figured I'd post it again with some additional tidbits in case you have not yet become familiar with this hysterical performer.

Make Kelly your MySpace friend and check out her other songs, including the unfairly overshadowed Let Me Borrow That Top, and some really bad YouTube Knockoffs that are still fun to watch.

Somewhere in this Picture is a Two-Faced Cow.

2007-01-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

Born in Virginia last week, this calf has two noses, two lower jaws, and two tongues that move independently of each other. There's only one eye soket but it contains two eyes. Though this birth is unusual, it is not one of a kind. Creepy.

Weird Science - Bugs Trapped in Your LCD

2007-01-08T15:57:00.000-08:00

This poor guy has got insects in his LCD that is connected to his MacBook! According to a poster on this forum thread at Apple Support forums, they are called Springtails. Some recommended putting the LCD in a garbage bag and let it out in the sun, some suggested ‘bombing’ the LCD with insecticides, while some believe that they will die out on their own without food. Whichever method you choose, pray that it doesn’t die at a distracting spot and refuse to fall off. You’ll get a “permanent dead pixel”! - from HipTechBlog.com

LOST returns (and it better deliver)

2007-01-08T13:14:00.000-08:00

I hate that the critical tide has turned against LOST, but I still don't like having to wait this long for the season to pick up again. 16 weeks with no reruns is great, but personally an episode of LOST I've already seen is far better than pretty much anything else on the tube. As for Criminal Minds, which started to beat it in overall ratings - though not specified demos - I tuned into it last week to see what the fuss was all about, and apparently you have to not have watched television for the last ten years to find anything about it even remotely original or stiimulating.

The show returns February 7th.

The Worst Part of a Celebrity Dying...

2007-01-04T18:30:00.000-08:00

...is when their crazy spouses jump in front of the cameras. Here, Tomi Rae Hyni, the (alleged) widow of James Brown displays her very unique brand of... I guess it's grief.

Wow, she is one unstrung bean bag.

Doesn't she remind you a little of Jaid Barrymore? Ever seen one of her four thousand interviews where Jaid mentions that she would have won the role of Princess Leia if she hadn't had to stay home to babysit Drew?

RIP Megan Mullally Show

2007-01-04T15:11:00.000-08:00

If you haven't caught it, you've got about three weeks left. This show was DOA form the get-go and for very good reason. I'm probably one of the biggest Megan fans out there, but anyone who saw her guest host on The Late Show when Letterman was sick already knew that the talk forum did not suit her vast talents.

I still can't figure out why a network didn't sign her to a prime time development deal. Is it becuse of her age? Is she destined to a line of unfunny supermarket commercials like Patricia Heaton?

If Megan wants to do something out of the sit-com mold, I think she would do a great job as a scene-chewing bitch on a prime time soap. Before Will & Grace let her start winking to the audience every other moment, she was delivering one-liners with a wicked slither. Maybe I'll just have to write something for her myself. In the meantime, it's off to TV Jail you go, Megan Mullally. See you in 2008! Below you can check out the absolute very best the Megan Mullally Show ever had to offier... the promos. They should have just run these instead of premiering the show.

Ellen Degeneres Meets a 20 Foot Anaconda

2007-01-04T14:49:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I watch television and find myself fitfully jealous of talk show hosts. Other times I watch and say to myself, "Not for all the money in the world!"

The Ellen DeGeneres Show is currently counting down its best moments from 2006. The top five vote getters will air this Friday. This one gets my vote not just as my favorite moment from Ellen for 2006, but for daytime television in general.

I can't quite decide which part gets me the most. Ellen launching with tough talk and ending with a mad dash across the back of the stage? Jeff Corwin's crack about the gender of the snake? The fear that produces the awkward sentence, "Well it's got it near my arm?" Or the big hair lady in the audience at the 1:18 mark. What do you think?

This one will probably make the countdown too. Check out Ellen's very authentic reaction when she holds her own against Tiger Woods.

Ellen will be hosting the 79th Annual Academy Awards on Sunday, February 25. Based on what she manages in these two clips, I don't think she'll have any problem carrying the show with all the class and humor needed.

Someone Knocked Up My Platy

2006-12-28T18:45:00.000-08:00

I have a platy that appears to be pregnant. The little slut. MG was the first to notice that she seemed a little big around the middle, but it's hard to tell because everytime I go to look at her, she looks right back at me, making it nearly impossible to get a good view at her from the side. It's quite fustrating. I'm nearly at the point where I'm gonna reach in and pull the little bitch out by the tail so I can get a gander.

The platy gestation perion is about a month, so I'll have to just wait and see. On-line pages are totally useless in helping me decide for sure. Could be overfeeding, could be a parasite, could be stress, could be my dishwashing detergent.

Apparently, as the tramp gets closer to bringing forth its demon seed, its flesh will become so transparent I'll actually be able to see the eyes inside of her. Freaky! I hope it's the case. Every time I get a new platy the salesperson warns me that babies are sure to come - a lot of them, but after six months, all of them appear to be either barren, gay, or lazy.

There's a Nicely Formed Hostess Cupcake in my Parking Garage

2006-12-27T17:54:00.000-08:00

I was actually going to refer to it as "pristine" but after looking over these pictures, I realize that wouldn't fly on E-bay, so it shouldn't be allowed to fly here.

I was just walking down to throw out my previous night's empty Stoli bottles, and there it was, clear as day! It's just a few inches away from the back tire of my building manager's car - the building manager who instead of installing an exhaust fan over my stove, allows it to remain capped at the top with duct tape, leading to a kitchen that smells like my Monday meal until at least Thursday, and paints a coat of grime and grease from the ceiling to the floor.

"Eat me! Eat me! I'm still good," the little cuppy pleaded...

For it's placement, and composure, it certainly doesn't look like it just fell out of someone's Safeway bag. This really looks like intentional placement, frosting side up, vanilla swirly-swirls undaunted by human hands, ever so close to the back tire of the car that belongs to my building manager, who pulled my fire alarms out of the ceiling and left them on the floor of my living room because they always go off to alarm me to the ever-increasing clouds of smoke that accumulate in my kitchen and filter into every room in the house whenever I am frying up buffalo burgers for a quick snack.

But look at the placement. Was someone trying to be cute here?

Much like the search for quality real estate, the placement of a Hostess cupcake when used as a prop in a larger prank relies on one thing - LOCATION! LOCATION! LOCATION!

Which is why it was a good thing I found the wayward little snackcake, and gave it the re-positining it so desperately deserved...
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...directly under the tire of the car that belongs to my building manager, who refuses to fix my garbage disposal whenever I actually put garbage down it, because according to him, it's not for "food" it's for "scraps," AND who gives me crap when I leave my empty car wash bucket under the back stairs for a day when he hasn't hosed down the filthy steps that lead to our apartment doors in ages AND who was apparently needing to work through something really severe the night he screamed at me in the doorway for leaving restaurant menus at the bottom of the landing, when there is of course, no way of knowing who might have done so since they don't have address labels on them.

Well, I'm laughing, even if you aren't.

This isn't very Christian of me, is it.

Ari Gold On ForTheBoys.tv

2006-12-21T19:14:00.000-08:00

Visit Ari's official wesbite here, and be sure to watch through the end of the clip and find out what oh so familiar commercial jingles from your childhood Ari had a hand in creating!

In Honor of Nearly Disgraced Miss USA, Tara Conner...

2006-12-21T18:34:00.000-08:00

I present an encore of my July post when I watched her compete in the the Miss Universe pageant! Enjoy

TEN THINGS I LEARNED AT THE MISS UNIVERSE PAGEANT

First Runner up my ass! Miss Japan, Kurara Chibana was my choice from the beginning. Well, at least she walked away with the Best National Costume Award, which everyone knows is just as good.

Thanks to my good friend, RumBunny, for taking this pic with her cel phone. I had to push a female Argentinian news reporter out of my way so she could get a good shot.

Ten Things I Learned at the Miss Universe Pageant

1.) In an effort to sound less sexist, the contestants are no longer referred to with the title "Miss." But this oddly made the proceedings rather dehumanizing as Nancy O'Dell and Carlos Ponce (hot!) were forced into objectifying declarations such as, "Korea, come over here!" and "Take a good look... this is Ghana!"

2.) Impressed with the fancy Miss Universe contestant choreography? Don't be. As they parade back and forth, revolving around one another, there's a guy at the edge of the stage with a microphone barking out, "Step! Step! Turn! Stop! Step! Step!" I don't know how that isn't heard during the broadcast.

There's also another guy right behind the camerman who wears white gloves and gives them hand gestures indicating when to walk, when to turn, when to stop, etc. He also gives an overly-broad double hand-sweep to the women who have just been eliminated to get the fuck off the stage and line up for their Cover Girl consolation gift bags.

3.) The opening "parade of the contestatns in their native garbs" montage was pre-taped at an earlier time, which sucked because I would have loved to have seen Miss Japan in her sexy ninja outfit and Miss USA in her naughty horse jockey with riding crop ensemble (though I'd hoped she'd be dressed as a giant firecracker like something out of Grease 2). I'm not even sure if that part was taped the same day, though we did see playback on the screens. The show is only "live" once they announce the final twenty, which has been decided before the broadcast begins by a preliminary judging panel.

And speaking of judges... a briefcase model from Deal or No Deal? Pete Sampras's wife? I'm sorry. Was the kid from Free Willy otherwise engaged?

4.) Nancy O'Dell never smiles unless the camera is on her. My sister thought she was pissed off about something, or maybe she was just getting her monthly bill. I stepped on the back of her dress at the VIP party and left a footprint on it.

5.) You can purchase Barbie-sized versions of the contestants in the lobby along with plastic tiaras and crowns, which I totally would have snapped up except my sister forgot to bring money for parking and I had to pony up. There are also all kinds of skanky mini-pageant winners in the audience wearing their crowns and their "Miss Southwest Vegetarian" and "Miss Teen San Joaquin Valley" sashes.

6.) There were LOTS of tipsy middle-aged men in cheap tuxes who, at every commerical break, would rush to the edge of the stage with their digital cameras and snap away at all the babes, tongues wagging, adding a classy "titty bar" touch to the whole affair.

7.) You can be blond, big-titted and spit out the threat "I'm with Trump. You don't want to do this to me!" as much as you want, but if you ain't got a VIP wristband, you ain't getting to the bar.

8.) Sorry, but TARA CONNER, Miss USA was a total plate head. Granted, it's hard to look good when you're asked "What is your greatest flaw?" but when they asked what the most inspiring place she'd ever visited was, she could have lied and said Tibet or Jerusalem or the house where Anne Frank hid. Those would have all gone over big. Instead, she said the most inspiring place she'd ever visited was... wait for it... Lake Tahoe!

I was never more ready to surrender my citizenship.

9.) My sister gave Dr. Julian Omidi, aka Dr. 90210 passes to the after-after party at The Standard Hotel and he thanked her, then told her she should come into his office sometime and he'll "do something" for her, which for half a second, didn't sound like "You need work done."

And number 10... Okay, I didn't actually learn ten whole things, but it's the Miss Universe pageant for god's sake! How much am I expected to take away from it?

And by the way, just for the record, my sister is very pretty and would have known how to answer the "most inspiring place you've ever visited" question with far more style and grace then Miss USA did, even if she'd been dressed up like a firecracker!

Today on ForTheBoys.tv: Fat

2006-11-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

I think my boyfriend is trying to make me fat so no one else will be attacted to me. What do you think?

Today on ForTheBoys: Strangling Lovers and "Distant" Mothers

2006-11-01T22:24:00.000-08:00

On today's clip, Steve and I recall my trying to strangle him during our stormy relationship, Steve discuss his "emotionally distant" (kind words) mother, and why I was banned from Steve's sister's wedding (but I was very productive with the time!) If you like, click the ad at the end and send some pennies into our pocket!

Today on ForTheBoys.tv

2006-10-23T22:51:00.000-07:00

Why do you think when gay couples break up they remain friends FAR MORE OFTEN than their heterosexual counterparts? Hosts Gary and Steve welcome guest SuperDave and try to get to the bottom of it!

If you enjoy ForTheBoys, please click on the ad at the end to keep the show going!

Click here to grab the code and embed ForTheBoys on your own webpage!

Is it Funny? Or is it Just Sad?

2006-09-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

I'm just wondering... maybe it's both?

Georgie's Wish - a Three Minute Short by Michael Granberry

2006-09-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

Another fantastic film (if fantastic equals seemingly sweet and touching but ultimately ghoulish and macabre) from my boyfriend, Michael Granberry.

This is "Georgie's Wish." If you enjoy, please click the ad at the end of the film, which puts some coins into my Michael's pockets for more films and to take me out for cheeseburgers and martinis. And please leave your comments too! Enjoy!

More of Michael's work can be found at The Red Hatchet Films Movie Page

And if you would like to grab the movie for your own blog, Click here for the code!

Desperate Housewives: Behind the Scenes - the Season 3 Promo

2006-09-24T13:07:00.002-07:00

...where Eva Longoria is actually played by a green mummy. Check it out and watch the finished product below. And finally, a snazzy UK promo directed by David LaChapelle.
Season 3 starts tonight. I'll be out with MG. Post your thoughts on the premiere below.

Exploding Whale

2006-09-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

You've got to love any video where you can hear the line, "..everyone on the scene was covered with small particles of dead whale."

Plus, now we know what McNuggets are made of.

...When You're Bored

2006-09-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

Uh, don't try this at home... unless you're really cool and have a stupid friend who never gets any wiser.

Far from the meanest games i've ever heard of kids playing. I'm sure there was meaner when I was a kid, but i can't remember any at the moment, can you?

Cats are Stupid

2006-09-16T14:01:00.000-07:00

If America's Funniest Videos was just this every week, I'd never miss an episode

Vern Troyer and His Geico Commercial are Funny...

2006-09-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

But what's with the "It's My Birthday" line in the rap. I don't get it.

...And What Would You Do?

2006-09-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, an anonymous blogger submitted a lengthy comment telling me how much they enjoyed the content of the site, how it always put a smile on their face, which was invaluable to them as their life was very difficult. No mention of specifics, but they went on to tell me that they had been dealing with mental instability and depression for years and had made more than one attempt at suicide, and was in fact planning another attempt this very weekend.

"I spent the whole day today at work planning on using my weekend to prepare for a massive overdose and since I have no family, I actually made a list of things to prepare so no one has to worry about my life insurance policy, my debts, etc. I have so many left over medications (at least 20 bottles or so) that if I took them all together, I don't think I'd suffer, let alonoe, lay there waiting. I even decided to write a personal letter to those friends of mine. Suicide is one of the most mysterious things I deal with, especially as a bipolar."

My initial reaction was to respond immediately, but then I reconsidered. The idea of taking any level of responsibility for a stranger, a person I know nothing - zero! - about, took me to a more sensible solution, which is to simply say to that person if they're reading this - find someone in your world who has a vested concern in your well-being and ongoing happiness and talk to them. If you don't have a person like that, call a suicide hotline. Express your feelings to someone - anyone - lots of people who have more training in handling this sort of thing are out there, and ready to help you.

Short of that, I wonder if there is more I am supposed to do. What would you do?

...When I'm Debating a Third Slice of Pizza

2006-09-08T13:57:00.000-07:00

This barely recognisable snake bit off more than it could chew when it snacked a pregnant ewe.
The six-metre python weighing 90 kg was too laden to move, making it far easier for firemen to capture it in a Malaysian village. Via The Daily Mail

Kitty is PISSED!

2006-09-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

Must have seen all the recent dog activity on my blog and decided a simple brush up against my leg wouldn't be enough. It's the Willy Loman of the feline world. ATTENTION MUST BE PAID! A CAT IS NOT AN ORANGE!

Via Cynical-C

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Narcoleptic Dogs! Who Knew....the Funny

2006-09-06T14:09:00.000-07:00

Skeeter the Narcoleptic Dog doesn't look all that miserable to me, despite what they say in the video below. After all, how miserable can you be when...

1. You get free anti-depressants
2. You get to be stroked with every meal
3. You get to be on INSIDE EDITION
4. Whenever someone's squalling brat grandkid comes over to pull your tail and wrap a rubber band around your snout, you can play dead and the grown-ups make Junior leave you alone.

Granted, his name is Skeeter, and he has to live in Idaho with a family named CHUBBUCK. But come on, this is a life worth trading for!

This one is even funnier! Trot-trot-trot-trot- THUNK! Rusty, the canine Chevy Chase!

Gary Green: The E! True Hollywood Story

2006-09-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

While the learning curve on my new job eats up my blogging time, please enjoy a recap of the magic that is Gary Green, and the story that led him to where he is today.

My Boyfriend is Disturbed (...and now the world knows it!) - Michael Granberry "A Winter's Tale"

2006-08-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

Creepy boyfriend 'o mine, Michael Granberry, and his stop-motion horror short, A Winter's Tale is featured today on The Daily Reel's Top Ten Need to Watch Video! (in the top spot, I might add).

Set in a reclusive log cabin in the woods, A Winter's Tale is equal parts "Blair Witch" horror and bad-parenting psychodrama, with a lovely surprise at the end.

Congrats, baby! I love you!

The Daily Reel

When CNN Anchor Kyra Phillips Gossiped in the Ladies Room and Didn't Know Her Mic Was Still On

2006-08-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

Remember that scene in the original Naked Gun movie where Leslie Nielsen goes to the men's room during the middle of the press conference, doesn't know his mic is still on, and proceeds to urinate, sing and pass gas as Nancy Marchand tries to make comments to the press about a visit from the Queen. Well, this is a lot like that, except that Leslie Nielsen is now played by CNN's Kyra Phillips, Nancy Marchand is now played by George W. Bush, and the queen is, well, I guess, me.

Favorite line?? - ""Brothers have to be, you know, protective. Except for mine. I've got to be protective of him...Yeah. He's married, three kids, but his wife is just a CONTROL FREAK!!!".

Laughed so hard I almost peed a little.

This Post is Entitled "Mario Lopez in the Shower on Nip/Tuck" in a Shameless Bid for More Tuesday Traffic

2006-08-29T13:30:00.000-07:00

Mario Lopez in the shower on Nip/Tuck. Suddenly, Julian doesn't look so hot - Most Proper

Paris is on the bottom.... of the Billboard charts. The new album tanks... - New York Post

...but at least she can still get into a club, while poor Tara Reid is left out in the cold! - TMZ

Where should Tom go from here? Here are some suggestions - Worth 1000

When Datalounge Commenter "Anonymous 14" Exhibits His or Her Tremendously Refined Taste

2006-08-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

From the comment thread at Datalounge in regards to my blind school firepost, because I just can't get enough admiration!

"Thank you, R6!

I remembered reading a hilarious recap somewhere but couldn't remember where.

Now, remind me. Who the fuck is Gary Green? I must have originally gone to that site for some reason. I think he is SO cute."

...When Niagra Falls Froze Over

2006-08-26T13:19:00.000-07:00

Cynical-C once again comes through on my Saturday Starbucks cyber-browse with these amazing pics of the Falls completely fronzen into a sold mass of ice. No, the pics aren't faked or photoshopped, though there is next to zero chance of this ever happening again...

The American Falls have frozen over on six occasions since the keeping of records began. Each were attributed to ice jams that have actually curtailed the flow of the American Falls to mere trickles.

Unlike the Horseshoe Falls (which has never frozen over), the American Falls are susceptible to freezing because of the small amount of water flow. Normally the American Falls has a peak mean flow of 10,000 cubic feet of water per second. The winter mean water flow is reduced to less than 8,000 cubic feet of water per second. This minimal flow is barely sufficient to cover the rock face of the Falls. During harsh winters, ice frequently built up at eastern end of Goat Island causing an ice dam to reduce the water flow to the northern channel which feeds water to the American Falls. As a result water flow is restricted sufficiently that any remaining waters quickly freeze over.

The installation of the ice boom at the mouth of Lake Erie, the building of the International water control dam (which regulates water flow) and milder winters have all but eliminated the possibility of the American Falls ever completely freezing over in modern times.

Cynical-C

...When Tom and Jerry Put Down the Havanas and Picked up the Patch (Tom and Jerry Smoking)

2006-08-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

Smoking scenes in vintage cartoon episodes of Tom and Jerry, The Flintstones and Scooby-Doo are being reworked after a viewer complained they were not suitable for children.

Cartoon editors are painstakingly working through more than 1,500 episodes of Tom and Jerry cartoons, painting out images of characters smoking frame by frame.

Turner Broadcasting, which owns the rights to the cartoons, claims the move is a voluntary step. But don't believe it when you hear it was spurred on by an angry viewer complaining about suitability for children. This kind of thing is done to snag a little good PR. Smoking is the evil of the moment, so everyone who comes out against it gets to paint themselves as conscientious and concerned about the state of American youth.

Really, if Turner gave a shit about children being exposed to negative influences, they could recommend that someone turn off the television and send the little tykes out into the open air for some Red Light Green Light or fort building. Do kids even do that kind of thing anymore?

Instead, we get more revisionist history, and little Tom and Jerry pay the price. They'll still be slamming each other in the head with frying pans. They'll still be sticking each other's tongues into live outlets. But at least they won't have blacklung.

And while it's true that I did take up smoking when I was pretty young (on and off from the age of 14 until my early thirties), it wasn't becasue I saw a cartoon cat doing it. It was because I saw Humphrey Bogart, Bette Davis, and Rock Hudson doing it. Turner owns the rights to a lot of those movies too, but it's much easier to attack cartoons. They're silly and light-hearted and their goal is to entertain kids, so they can't have much cultural relevance.

On the upside, I'm glad to hear Tom and Jerry cartoons are still playing somewhere.

And I'm sure un-edited versions are available in some over-priced, under-whelming DVD set.

I blame George Lucas.

Baby Hummingbird Nest

2006-08-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

That's a standard toothpick being used for perspective. Check out the hatching via 2003's baby hummingbird cam by clicking here!

John the Revelator: Unofficial Music Video Targeting You Know Who

2006-08-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

Launched only four days ago on YouTube, this unofficial video for Depeche Mode's "John the Revelator" has of this moment logged over 31,000 hits and that's certainly just the beginning.

I'm placing it here not to endorse the message but because it's probably the only anti-Bush video I've seen on the Tube that managed to hold my attention until the very end (that hokey Jib Jab junk looks like K-1 scribbling compared to this).

The description on YouTube attributes its creation only to a"Depeche Mode fan/outraged American" though I'm sure his name will be on the lips of everyone next week, excluding anyone who sits in front of a camera at FOX NEWS

via Scott-o-rama

LOST Season Three...

2006-08-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

...begins October 4. Get the Season Three promo poster here!

The Little House on the Prairie Blind School Fire.

2006-08-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, both DataLounge and Television Without Pity happened to pick up my entry from a couple months back about the Little House Blind School Fire and I want to thank everyone for the great comments and for the massive influx of hits.

Check it out if you haven't yet, and be sure to watch THE BOX, created by my man Michael. If you click on the ad at the end of the movie, a couple pennies trickle his way. Thanks!

Hitler's Cross Restaurant - Bombay, India (Seriously!)

2006-08-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

When Hitler's Cross restaurant opened four days ago in a Bombay suburb, local politicians and movie industry types were on hand to celebrate beneath the posters of the Nazi leader and swastikas.

The owner insisted then -- and still does -- that the name and theme of his new eatery is only meant to attract attention, even if it has outraged Bombay's Jewish community.

"It's really made people very upset that a person responsible for the massacre of 6 million Jews can be glorified," Elijah
Jacob, one of the community's leaders, told The Associated Press on Wednesday.
But owner Puneet Sablok has refused to back down, and apart from Bombay's 4,500 Jews, there's been little controversy in India, where Holocaust awareness is limited, Hitler is regarded as just another historical figure and swastikas are an ancient Hindu symbol, displayed all over to bring luck. There are just 5,500 Jews in all of India.

via Boston.com

Move Over, McConaughey...

2006-08-22T17:25:00.000-07:00

There's a hotter Matt in the surf.

...When People Had to be Convinced to Drink Coffee

2006-08-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Anyone else remember this commercial? Was there actually an era when ad time purchases were necessary to promote the drinking of coffee? What were we all doing in the mornings back then? Sipping Tang and bumping into one another all bleary-eyed?

Hold on tight to your dream people! Keep downing that java. You could win a nameless award for best fake look of surprise like Cicely Tyson!

via Neatorama

Stingray City, Grand Cayman

2006-08-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

This one was the boyfriend's call. Grand Cayman was the second port on our Caribbean cruise and he wanted to check out Stingray City, which is an approximate 45 boat trip out to a sandbar about three feet deep, where you are surrounded by stingrays you can pet, feed, or in my case, paddle away from in shrieking mortal fear.

This one tried to kill me. I literally saw it make a complete u-turn and beeline it for my innocent shaky ankles. I flung my body back and accidentally belted Michael in the side of his face with my fist. He deserved it as far as I'm concerned for dragging me out there. Why the hell would I want to be flailing around in the Caribbean Sea when there's a Ben & Jerry's store on the ship? As punishment, I tucked my hat down and pretended to be asleep for the entire boat ride back, forcing Michael to single-handedly deal with the chatty German tourist with nothing of much interest to say, but the uncanny ability to present it with the most words possible. I heard a lot of "Oh wow!"s and "Cool!"s from Michael, but not much else.

I may look brave here, but notice that I am clearly standing behind Michael, ready to bolt should this evil sea ward of Lucifer break free of the tour guide's grip. Their texture is slimy and rough, and they suck food right out of your hand with the force of a Hoover vacuum. I wasn't the only one crying. There were others too, but they were all under the age of five and sporting floaties.

Here I am peeing in my trunks. I've kissed worse, but only after last call.

A Little Promo Goes a Long Way (Turn Up Your Sound)

2006-08-18T12:51:00.000-07:00

The Seaspn 3 promo for Housewives is hot, includes Nicollette. and shows you that as gorgeous as Eva Longoria is, she's even better as a blond. I just caught this commercial on my tv, and it stopped me from all that I was doing. Ready to forgive and forget for Season 2? The premiere is September 24.

Obsessive Toilet Flushing Cat

2006-08-17T14:49:00.000-07:00

Two minutes and forty-seven seconds of feline flushing fun! (Yes, I realize this is the second kitty-plus-toilet vid I have posted on here. Thanks for pointing it out!)

Justin Timberlake on The Ellen DeGeneres Show - Monday September 4

2006-08-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

Fresh off its third Daytime Emmy Award win for Outstanding Talk Show, “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” will kick off its fourth season September 4th with the hottest ticket in town when Ellen returns to New York with Grammy Award winning Justin Timberlake!

AOL will sponsor this special show taking place at East Meadow in New York’s Central Park. Justin will join Ellen in an exclusive talk show appearance for the full hour and will heat up the stage when he performs his newest single, “Sexyback” from his upcoming album “Future Sex/Lovesongs, “

1950's Commerical Animation Cels

2006-08-16T15:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Michael who checked out my racist 1950's commercial below and led me to a collection of art and photos from the Ray Patin Studios. Great stuff. Check out the gallery here and enjoy! (Click on the TICK TOCK TOYS link and the bottom for more cool retro stuff!)

Politically Incorrect Jell-o Commerical from the 50's

2006-08-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

Ah, who can forget the days of open racial stereotyping! Humor could be found anywhere. (P.S. - if anyone can find me the "ancient Chinese secret" Calgon commerical from the 1970's, there's a shiny new quarter coming your way!)

via Neatorama

...When It's Easier to Pic Than Post

2006-08-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

As I settle into the gig at Ellen, here are some pics from the Caribbean cruise, the "On Board" series. "Swimming with Stingrays" and "Gluttony in the Grand Dining Room" to come. Enjoy!

Crazy Japanese Little Red Riding Hood

2006-08-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

Um... can anyone explain this to me?

Tornado Chasers at Jim Reed Photography

2006-08-04T11:07:00.000-07:00

The guys over at Jim Reed Photography sent this video in to YouTube. These guys are professional storm chasers. They spend their lives trying to find severe storm systems. This time the storm found them. - very awesome.

More Betty Chu and Angora Rabbits

2006-08-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

...When Betty Chu and Her Amazing Angora Rabbits Nearly Stumped the Panel on "I've Got a Secret"

2006-08-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

Look at the pic, watch the video, and enjoy. This was one of my absolute favorite segments from I've Got a Secret, and Betty Chu was the perfect guest. The reactions from each of the blindfolded panelists are priceless, and who'd have thought at the last second... Billy Bean pulls a rabbit of his own out of his hat! Thanks to Neatorama.com, where I happened upon a link to Betty Chu and discovered her rabbits, which led me to booking her for the show.

...When Elizabeth Hasselbeck Melted Down on The View

2006-08-02T10:53:00.000-07:00

This morning's The View, in which Elizabeth Hasselbeck presents the standard second-grade attack on post-fertilization birth control, and Barbara provides the standard second-grade defense for it. Fun if for nothing else just to watch LizFreak get reprimanded (again second-grade style), and to watch Mother Superior awkwardly spit out "sex pervert" as if we don't all know she's the freakiest one at the table. And when the hell is Lisa Loeb gonna ditch those glasses and get Lasix?

And the aftermath via Perez Hilton. I can't wait to watch Liz and Rosie go at it in the fall!

...When Soap Hunk Joshua Morrow Got Shirtless on the Basketball Court

2006-08-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Joshua Morrow has been playing Nic Newman on The Young and the Restless since 1994. I have never been a fan of the show or of Morrow. He always looked like a scrawny little punk to me.

Well, thanks to Tivo and the magic that is SoapNet's "same day episodes at night," I have had the opportunity to check in on Joshua, who has most decidely... shall we say... matured.

Okay, first off, I have to say I have enjoyed being unemployed this summer as the number of hot daytime guys taking off their shirts on basketball courts seems to have really taken a jump over previous years. As for Joshua, the facial hair is something I'm usually not fond of, but it's definitely working on him. Gives him a "good guy... mostly" look. And check out the back and shoulder definition too. Girl's been getting her shrugs on back in that dressing room.

One time I asked a shirtless bartender at The Abbey who had just about the same build as Joshua's, "Hey man, what do I have to do to get a body like that?" He looked me up and down, shook his head and said, "it's too late."
A sad final note. The fair Joshua is, alas, as straight as they come. He's got a wife and two kids.
God, I miss the nineties, when all soap hunks were gay and had poofy moussed-up hair with highlights and wore pink.

Or maybe that was just me.

Blame Canada

2006-08-01T13:59:00.000-07:00

Canada.com has obtained this picture of Mel Gibson less than an hour before being pulled over in his car and arrested for driving under the influence in Malibu. Here, Mel meets with leaders of the Jewish community to discern the appropriate path for healing.
Update: Canada.com has removed the pic and advise that it will be available in the next issue of IN TOUCH. But I ain't heard nothing, so copy it from here while you can.

Ty Treadway, Lisa Rinna and Calendar Hunks. One of These People Can Keep Their Shirt On

2006-08-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

Men of Mortuaries is the brainchild of California funeral home director Ken McKenzie, whose calendar of 12 bodybuilder morticians will benefit breast cancer patients. McKenzie, whose sister is a breast cancer survivor, said he wanted to find a way to help patients struggling with finances.

According to McKenzie: "Whenever you hear about a funeral director it's a guy in a suit in the corner with a hump on their back. The hardest part was finding 12 attractive funeral directors. That just doesn't happen. This industry is just not known for that." (via Towleroad)

The sad news that after four seasons, SOAPnet has decided NOT to renew its nightly gabber Soap Talk means that now I, along with at least 18 other people across the country will have to finally get off the couch and maybe go get a few minutes of fresh air and exercise, at least until SoapNet replaces it with a nightly repeat of Passions (Come on, people! They have a mermaid!). On the upside, Ty Treadway is now free to return to the shirtless world of daytime tv where he belongs. And Lisa Rinna? Luckily she has her lips to fall back on.

Reichen Lemkuhl and lance Bass

2006-07-31T18:12:00.000-07:00

I hung out a bit with Reichen Lemkuhl when we were both auditioning to be panelists on "I've Got a Secret," and despite a lot of the blogger gossip, he actually was a nice guy, fairly quiet and unassuming, not cocky. At the time he was in the running (wearing what I will never forget thinking was the ugliest green shirt I'd ever seen anyone wear in public), there were only gay men auditioning, and there was a definite underlying vibe of competitiveness, and maybe just a hint of resentfulness directed towards him in the room (see my petty comment about the green shirt above).
I'll refrain from commenting on his level of competence as a game show panelist and television personalilty. After all, I didn't get on the damn panel either. And no one from Access Hollywood is banging on my door.
Here's his interview about the realtionship with Lance. The clock is now ticking on how long before this becomes the most tired, over-exposed couple on the gay planet.

By the way, if anyone has a pic of Lance dressed up as a banana from the Let's Make a Deal episode of Gameshow Marathon, please e-mail it to me.

UPDATE March 2007 - the video has been pulled, they've broken up, and Access Hollywood banged on my door last night and apologized for taking their own sweet time.

Ann Coulter Calls Al Gore a Fag on Hardball

2006-07-31T16:56:00.000-07:00

... and Chris Matthews lets her do it.

GLAAD - "Take Action: MSNBC Airs Homophobic Slur on Hardball"

...When Bette Davis Kicks Faye Dunaway in the Teeth on The Tonight Show

2006-07-31T12:25:00.000-07:00

No one's this honest anymore. Wonder what she'd have to say about Lindsay Lohan.

...When Michael Granberry Showed Me What Was Inside His Box

2006-07-28T21:32:00.000-07:00

Boyfriend extraordinaire has spent the last couple of days uploading several super-short clips onto the web that were originally intended to be used as "bumpers" for a local cable tv show called Refused TV.
He completed nine segments before being informed that Refused TV had been cancelled, and these little clips wound up with no homes of their own! They seem to work perfectly for internet audience consumption, which likes its laughs in small, bite-size portions.

You can check them out by going to the RED HATCHET FILMS MOVIE PAGE here. And please be sure to click on his sponsors' ads at the end of each film so he can take me to Disneyland!

...When No Animals Were Photoshopped in the Making of This Post

2006-07-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

No. Z has not called Jenny yet.

Sometimes when it's late at night and I don't have any food, I look over at him and he dissolves into one of those roast turkeys you see in the old Tex Avery cartoons. But so far, I have managed not to act on it.

...When Lance Bass Did It the Hard Way

2006-07-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

Um... really, you don't need to go to the trouble of peddling what all of the gay world and about 99.9% of the straight world have known since about 2001 to a magazine. Just do what I did. One quick taping of myself naked in the shower singing a television theme song from the seventies and you'll be surprised how quickly the "so why don't you have a girlfriend" questions evaporate into thin air. (fairly safe for work despite what the freeze frame may indicate)

THE BUNNY! (8 secs.)

"Oh, this one is sick. I'm sorry sometimes I even came up with it. Just be glad that you didn't!"

If you like what you see, click the ad at the end and send thirty cents into the pocket of my boyfriend, Michael Granberry, and his one-man animation company, Red Hatchet Films! Enjoy! (needs Quicktime)

Favorite Posts: The Little House on the Prairie Blind School Fire: A Celebration!
When Julie in My Office Revealed She Had No Idea Who Shot JR

When Soap Hunks Justin Bruening and Colin Egglesfield Took It Off on the Basketball Court

Who Wore it Better?

2006-07-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

Gary Green... or muggle-faced, mop-headed, pseudo-metro soap twink from Last Week's Young and the Restless?

YOU make the call!

(Hint - There is a correct answer!)

Recent Posts: Ten Things I Learned at the Miss Universe Pageant

When I Secretly Dreamed of Being a Fembot

When the Contestants Get Surly on The Price is Right

Ten Things I Learned at the Miss Universe Pageant

2006-07-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

First Runner up my ass! Miss Japan, Kurara Chibana was my choice from the beginning. Well, at least she walked away with the Best National Costume Award, which everyone knows is just as good.

Thanks to my good friend, RumBunny, for taking this pic with her cel phone. I had to push a female Argentinian news reporter out of my way so she could get a good shot.

Ten Things I Learned at the Miss Universe Pageant

8.) Sorry, but Miss USA was a total plate head. Granted, it's hard to look good when you're asked "What is your greatest flaw?" but when they asked what the most inspiring place she'd ever visited was, she could have lied and said Tibet or Jerusalem or the house where Anne Frank hid. Those would have all gone over big. Instead, she said the most inspiring place she'd ever visited was... wait for it... Lake Tahoe!

I was never more ready to surrender my citizenship.

Spider Hunter!

2006-07-22T21:02:00.001-07:00

Need a spider killed off? Damien's your man. Click on the image to watch him in action!

...When the Reviews Are In

2006-07-21T20:38:00.000-07:00

You have been warned.

"The portentous tone, glacial pacing, faux-mythic inspirational themes and Ed Wood-level dialogue are all present and accounted for, but his much-vaunted storytelling skills are nowhere to be found." The Star Telegram
"Lady in the Water challenges us to believe in the power of myth. But the big challenge here is surviving the tedium of Shyamalan's meandering inventiveness. What's supposed to be fanciful storytelling is really just audience punishment." Salon.com
"The movie is a muddle, burdened with too many characters and a sorry lack of thrills, flair and coherence." Rolling Stone
"Shyamalan's most alienating and self-absorbed project to date." Entertainment Weekly

"Hollywood cannot pollute the ozone with anything more idiotic, contrived, amateurish or sub-mental than Lady in the Water." New York Observer

Not since Who's That Girl?, I tell ya!

... Night, Night!

...When I Secretly Dreamed of Being a Fembot

2006-07-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

I know that, as a little boy, I was supposed to prefer football to the Oscars, Pam to Bobby, and the Six Million Dollar Man to The Bionic Woman. But aside from discovering how fast my propellors spun at the site of his hairy chest, there was really nothing Lee Majors was ever gonna be able to teach me. Plus The Six Million Dollar Man's storylines were always boring government spy tales: espionage, defecting Russians, pursuit of dull government papers, etc... while over at The Bionic Woman, Jamie Sommers would routinely investigate things like poltergeists, doomsday machines, vampires, haunted houses and of course, the FEMBOTS, the most terrifying creatures ever imagined.
Beautiful but deadly, shrewd and feminine on the outside, super-strength robotics and dangerous sharklike instincts on the inside. Could kiss a man and break his neck in the next second.
In short, everything I could ever hope to be in life.
This episode, "Kill Oscar," was part of a three-part fembot storyline. Back then, two-parters were par for the television course, but you knew the story was gonna be eye-popping riveting goodness if it took THREE WHOLE EPISODES to tell it. I mean, it was no longer just television, it was IMPORTANT! And The Six Million Dollar Man actually crossed-over in parts 2 and 3 to help Jamie. Unprecedented!
Jamie Sommers goes up against supervillain John Houseman, who has perfected his robotic female replicas. Their mission? Kidnap important secretaries in the OSI and assume their identities.
Houseman's ultimate goal was to hold the world ransom with his awe-inspiring weather-control device, able to whip up a Level 5 hurriane anyplace in the world within seconds. I'm not quite sure why, if he had such a phenomenal weapon as a weather device, he had to separately take time away to invent evil female robots as well, but I guess that's why I'm not a super-villain.
This episode scared me almost as much as the Little House blind school fire, and this scene, the climacitc battle that ended the first of the three parts is the reason why.

One small problem, it would seem that once Jamie Sommers knocked off the red head's face-plate, she could have just stuck a bic pen into all the wiring and short-circuited her. Hell, a glass full of club soda would have worked as well. But instead, Jamie chooses a window on a very high story of a building as her means of escape, to terribly unfortunate results, as you are about to see. Enjoy!

Two Generations of "I've Got a Secret"

2006-07-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

Betsy Palmer (IGAS 1957-1967) and Frank Decaro (2006-??). Long may you reign, Frank!

Frank DeCaro Official Website
Frank Unmasks Weather Girl Martha Wash on "I've Got a Secret" (YouTube Vid)

This is Why No One Knows the Name of the Third One

2006-07-19T16:54:00.000-07:00

That's right. I'm saying it. She's the total Shelley Hack of the group. Thank God Beyone recovers to start the lip sync in time.

"Where you at... ? You on da floor, bitch!"

...When I Met Betsy Palmer, Also Known as Mrs. Voorhees

2006-07-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

the 2006 Game Show Congress (yes, there is such a thing) was held last week in Burbank, the highlight being a live version of "What's My Line?" featuring the one and only Betsy Palmer, who sat on the panel of the original "I've Got a Secret" from 1957 to 1967.

To baby boomers, Betsy Palmer is probably best known for "Secret." For soap fans, she may be best known for her two seasons playing Aunt Ginny on "Knots Landing." There have also been numerous roles in television and feature films over the years.

But to anyone whose adolescent and teen years coincide with the 70's and 80's, Betsy Palmer is and always will be best known for hacking to death a half dozen horny camp counselors as the vengeful, knife-wielding Mrs. Voorhees in the original Friday the 13th (her son took over the killing in Part Deux).

She said she originally took the role which paid her $10,000 because she needed to buy a car, and of course, had no idea how memorable her portrayal of the seemingly benign and rather cooky groundskeeper would become. She was asked to re-create the role several times for sequels throughout the next 25 yeras, but always declined. Really, though, what could she do in any sequel that would top her grisly demise at the end of the original Friday the 13th? (innocent, viringal Adrienne Leon decapitates her in the woods with a rusty machette, and you know I didn't sleep that night!)

At eighty years old, she was still by far the sharpest member of the panel, and got the most laughs, especially when summing up mystery guest, Shirley Jones with the line, "Boy, are you an old one!" From the look on Shirley's face, Betsy was probably lucky there wasn't a rusty machette around. Incidentally, the B&W photo in the background is of "What's My Line's?" most celebrated panel configuration, Bennet Cerf, Arlene Francis and Dorothy Kilgalen, along with frequent rotating panelist Joey Bishop, and the show's host, John Charles Daly. It is now in my closet awaiting a suitable frame.

Separated At Birth

2006-07-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

The Devil Wears Prada's Miranda Priestly and a cat from my Sadistic Kitty post from yesterday. (Thanks Tejaz!)

My Cat Hates You

2006-07-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

...but you probably get that a lot. Click here for a gallery of bad-ass felines that would send a pack of dobermans away in tears!

Visit What Jeff Killed, a site dedicated to Jeff The Giant Orange Cat and his favorite pastime: killing things.

Naked Shower Boys Singing MAUDE
Click Here for ForTheBoys.tv
Click Here to advance to the ForTheBoys TV demo
Click Here for the naked shower salute to The Jeffersons theme song
Click Here to Watch Dominic Monaghan Taking a Shower