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Gary Green

Friday, February 24, 2006 

...When You Were a Kid in the 70's And You Saw a Lot of This Girl

Do you know this girl? If you're anywhere near my age and didn't live in a well when you were a kid, you do. Sure, it's Lucy Winters! She invites Jan and Peter to her birthday paty! Jan fears she has no personality, and void of any intellegent idea to remedy the situation, shells out for a curly black Joanne Worley-theme wig. Lucy, thinking it's a gag when Jan shows up, humiliates her and invites all the kid actor extras to come over for laughing and pointing (but not uttering anything close to real words because then the producers would be contractually obligated to buy them lunch... I'm getting off the point).

Anyway, this girl was on EVERY FREAKING SHOW in the sixties and seventies. Seriously, I think the Screen Actors Guild had some kind of "Lucy Winters" clause they forced on productions. Star Trek, Family Affair, Lassie, Brady Bunch (more than once, too! Aside from the wig humiliation scene, I think she's the girl who misses the garbage can and Bobby the Nark-Ass Safety Monitor brains her with a 7-UP bottle). She had a very peculiar tone in her voice, or maybe it was the way she spoke. Kind of chipmuk-ish. Boy, did I have the hots for her bad. I knew I wanted to meet her. I wanted to get to her. But I didn't know what I wanted to do with her once I got her. As I was probably about nine at the time, I'm sure it was something like wanting to kiss her and drive in a car with her, get hot dogs and pet the cat together. That was sex to me then.

Stay with me because there's a point.

I never was able to remember this girl's name, but she pops into my head all the time. Today, I read a headline saying "Ex-Child Star Says U.S. Targeting Animal Group to Chill Free Speech," I click it and low and behold I'm suddenly face-to-face with my lost love of twenty years! Check out her unofficial web page which is way more detailed than the official one. I had totally forgotten about the cheesy Saturday morning show Space Academy with her and the guy who played Dr. Smith on Lost in Space.

So. what is she doing now? Sadly, it's dull, dull, dull. She's an animal-rights nut and she voices a character on an animated Disney Show. She's basically Alicia Silverstone in twenty years. I'd still like to meet her though, just to hear that chipmunk voice again. She sends me.

Oh, by the way, her name is Pamela Ferdin, for any other geeky 70's tv-obsessed fags out there.

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