Gary Green

Wednesday, November 21, 2007 

Have a Fun Thanksgiving!



This is what MG and I will watch tonight while he wraps dates in bacon and I spread cream cheese and salmon on hash brown squares. Who needs a turkey?

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2:43 PM | |

Monday, November 19, 2007 

Rest in Peace, Mister Wilson - Actor Dick Wilson Dies at 91


LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Dick Wilson, the character actor and pitchman who for 21 years played an uptight grocer begging customers "Please, don't squeeze the Charmin," died Monday. He was 91.

The man famous as TV's "Mr. Whipple" died of natural causes at the Motion Picture & Television Fund Hospital in Woodland Hills, said his daughter Melanie Wilson, who is known for her role as a flight attendant on the ABC sitcom "Perfect Strangers."

Wilson made more than 500 commercials as Mr. George Whipple, a man consumed with keeping bubbly housewives from fondling toilet paper. The punch line of most spots was that Whipple himself was a closeted Charmin-squeezer.

The first commercial aired in 1964 and by the time the campaign ended in 1985 the tag line and Wilson, a former Canadian airman and vaudeville veteran, were pop culture touchstones.

He also played a drunk on several episodes of "Bewitched," as appeared as various characters on "Hogan's Heroes," "The Bob Newhart Show," and Walt Disney productions.

12:37 PM | |

Sunday, October 21, 2007 

Six....Count Em... Six New Ice Trays in my Freezer

MG treats me so well. He bought me SIX NEW ICE TRAYS for my birthday! Who knows how much they set him back. The man knows where to spend his money!


I will NEVER BE OUT OF ICE AGAIN! I've been living off one lousy cracked tray for over a year, and been complaining about how unsatisfying my life has been as a result for just about as long. MG knows that it's the simple things that make life more enjoyable and define the difference between a good day and a day where I crawl up in a ball and cry.


Think of all the cold drinks I can have now! All the sore muscles I can readily numb into submission! The speedy rate at which my vodka will reach an acceptable drinking temperature! My icelandic scrod patties will stay well-preserved for decades to come!

MG, you are my hero!

Birthday 2007 was fantastic. I got everything I ever wanted, starting with a great boyfriend to spend it with. Though now that I have 30 Rock, The Jungle Book, Dallas Season 7, a back massager, slippers,a handy laptop desk to keep my computer from searing my lap, and all the ice a man could ever ask for, he may in fact never see me again!

Thanks baby! I love you!




7:20 PM | |

Friday, October 19, 2007 

Did You See the Giant Baby This Time?


"The Office" beat out "30 Rock" last night in terms
of laughs, and it wasn't just because of the Toys R Us "Giant Baby" commercial.



Three weeks running and 30 Rock has chosen to starve its fans of what they love most: real Tina Fey-Alec Baldwin "exec on producer" action. It's not that it's a bad idea to split up your best comedic pair and let them venture into other comedic territory, and 30 Rock has still been great this season, but there's no question in my mind what I'm tuning in to see and it's this: Tina Fey just barely managing to contain the dramas of her high-strung writers and self-involved cast while using her last free leg to keep Jack's overbearing but insanely unimaginative hands off her show. That's why I loved Tina Fey's Amex commercial, and that's why I love 30 Rock. This show is about a woman trying to keep her life from falling apart, not about cookie jars. I want this show to spread its wings, and maybe in doing so they'll capture some more viewers. But last night was the first time I turned to MG at the end and said, "I'm disappointed." Thankfully, we had two plates full of ravioli and an entire loaf of garlic bread to ease the frustration.

GE Is looking for skeletons in Jack's closet now that he's been named as a contender to the CEO throne, so Jack hires an investigator to investigate him. The idea is that the investigator will find any threats from Jack's past so Jack can make them disappear before his bosses find out. Funny, but really, it makes no sense. In fact, it's a little crazy, which leads me to a separate thought: does anyone else think that Alec Baldwin looks like a lunatic in the new opening credits? Is this the direction the writers want to take him?

Meanwhile, now that philandering Tracy is being shadowed morning, noon and night by his wife, Angie, he's suddenly become responsible, on time and completely sane, which thrills Liz to no end. When Angie asks Liz to help keep an eye on him ("Will you be able to do it without falling in love with him?") Liz readily agrees.


Jenna is thrilled that her career has skyrocketed since she put on all the extra weight, and Jack couldn't be more supportive now that "me want food" has become a national catch phrase. I loved the ad Jenna did for Enorme, the fragrance for fat women. ("Available exclusively at your local drug store. Do not use if you're menstruating") Jenna is thrilled that she is finally a star and even more thrilled that boss Jack finally respects her.


Back to the Jack storyline, and enter Steve Buscemi as the investigator Jack has hired. Why go to the trouble and expense to get Steve Buscemi, and then give him nothing to do but play Alec Baldwin's straight man? Not only did the normally and delightfully eccentric Buscemi play normal, he actually looked normal. That never happens! I can only hope the show is planning to bring him back once or twice a season, a la Dr. Spaceman. Otherwise, what a waste! As for the investigation, the only real red flag point turns out to be that Jack has a secret massive collection of cookie jars. And, for the lame turn the story takes at this point, Alec Baldwin deserves every award Hollywood can dump on his doorstep. "This is bad," Buscemi tells Jack, and I couldn't agree more. Even more ridiculous is that Jack attends cookie jar conventions in a Pointdexter bow-tie under the alias "Victor Nightingale." Referencing it would be one thing, but providing it in a flashback just made it all a real headscratcher. But Alec Baldwin manages to make it funny, and Jack takes this threat of losing his most prized collection as stingingly as he would a demotion to a smaller office or a sudden attack of erectile dysfunction (please don't give him a storyline about erectile dysfunction).

Meanwhile, Jenna discovers that despite her best efforts, she's actually losing weight, which threatens not only her offer to play Ms. Pac Man in the live-action Atari movie, but also spells doom to her newfound respect from Jack. Jack assigns Kenneth to watch her 24/7 and make sure she stays plump ("Keep Jenna fat, keep Jenna funny.") Kenneth does his best to force-feed Jenna with a modern-day twist on the old "here comes the airplane" bit ("uh oh... an Indian got up to use the bathroom and an air marshall shot him!") But nothing works, and Jenna continues to worry that her stardom will shrink as fast as her tummy does.

Tracy, who finds out Angie has stepped out for a hair appointment, decides to bolt to a strip joint. Though Liz insists Angie will kill them both if she finds out, Tracy refuses to stay put, and gives my favorite line of the night ("You can't ask a bird not to fly, you can't ask a fish not to swim, you can't ask a tiger not to turn back into a Chinese person at midnight.") I'll go ahead and call that as MG's favorite line of the night as well, and reserve him the right to edit me later. Close second would be, "I feel terrible about doing this to you, Liz. But the only way I can feel better about myself is to get booby-slapped by a coked-out Russian stripper" Tracy Morgan, in my estimation, has yet to be given a storyline he doesn't nail perfectly. I hope now that Jenna is holding some star power of her own, we get to see these two self-involved spotlight-hoggers clash. Jenna's hinted before that she isn't wild about Tracy being a part of the show, and I think there is some real comedy gold there. If they can set these two up right, this show has its "Jack and Karen" scene-stealing supporters.

"Women with low self esteem take refuge in either food or sex," tells Liz when a desperate Kenneth comes to her for advice on how to keep Jenna plump. Then comes the most bizarre flashback where Liz is insulted by comedian Jackie Mason and can't help but throw herself at him. The best thing about using whip-flashbacks like this is whether they succeed ("Gimmee your fingernails," "Bar Mitzvah Werewolf" ) or are questionable (this one, the cookie jar convention), they're over before you have time to turn your head and give a quizzical look to your gay life partner who is downing his fourth piece of garlic bread. Kenneth returns, armed with his new insult approach, and proceeds to hammer Jenna about her weird mole, her break-up with David Blaine, and the fact that she lied about her brother drowning so people wold come to her one-woman show. But this backfires, and instead of diving into the food, Jenna becomes entranced and throws herself at Kenneth. Where this actually went we don't see, but the fact that Kenneth later suggests he and Jenna have to get married means there could be some tremendously funny Jack McBrayer/Jane Krakowski interaction in the weeks ahead.

Tracy returns from the strip club and when Angie asks where he's been, Liz stands behind her and feeds charades to Tracy so his answer will match the excuse she's already provided. Liz snakes her arm up and down and rapidly sticks out her tongue (Tracy: "My cobra Ramsey..."). Liz mimes a cough and wraps her hand around her throat (...he got sick so i took him to the vet...). Liz smiles and gives a thumbs up and nods approvingly (...then my thumb got caught in my butt, so I nodded my head til it came out.") Angie quickly puts it all together, and immediately throws all the blame on Liz ("I trusted you. You wear glasses!") It's too bad Sherri Shepherd is over at "The View" because I could watch her play this character every week. She's really the only true foil we've seen for Tracy so far. Eventually, when Liz insists that Angie leave the building, Tracy has to step up and keep the two women apart. This act of maturity turns Angie on, and within a heartbeat the two fall to the floor as Liz tries to back out while shielding her eyes, ("Oh wow! you guys START with that!) Hysterical.

And for a third week Scott Adsit was given nothing to do! Not that he's pivotal, but he's the only true sounding board Liz has got. Plus. we've seen next to nothing of the TGS writers. I know the roster is pretty full, but share the wealth. Carrie Fisher guests next week as Liz's comedy idol who's hired for the show and causes friction with her radical ideology, so hopefully the A story will be TGS-centric. Plus, Jack takes Tracy to a therapist, which means Jack goes back to being the relatively sane one in a storyline. Let's keep it that way. No more bow ties!

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10:42 AM | |

Friday, October 05, 2007 

Ryan's Hope - Something Strange is Going on Here




1975 daytime tv lighting means you'll have to really pay attention to see it (look at the shorts). Aside from Kate Mulgrew, two bad kid actors and the presence of a female zombie, there's something very strange coing on in this clip of Ryans Hope, and it steps out of the elevator. I don't think it's his knee he wants people to look at - and they don't!

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1:56 PM | |

 

The Kids from "Superbad" Have a Message for Me

This was taken off the Super Deluxe website in early August. Nice to know I have nothing to worry about, plus every site needs a little McLovin!

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12:15 PM | |

 

Did You See the Giant Baby on 30 Rock?

Michael sure did. As the show rolled into its first commercial break, I shifted into "small talk about myself" mode, and suddenly Michael pointed at the screen and yelled, "GIANT BABY!"

I looked back at the screen - no giant baby. "Where?" I asked, and startd to back up my DVR until suddenly his eyes went saucer-like and the pointed finger shot out from his shoulder once again, "There! Giant baby! He's destroying the city!" This and the Tina Fey AMEX commercial made 30 Rock even more fun and brilliant than it normally was. Every show needs a giant baby!



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9:49 AM | |

Thursday, September 27, 2007 

The Bionic Woman: NBC Wednesdays


Jaime Sommers (Michelle Ryan) is a boring college drop-out who tends bar at a San Francisco nightclub, and she is a very, very slow drink maker. Not only is she slow, but she seems to regularly put down the bottles and the glasses mid-pour to take time out and smile preciously at her customers and flip her bangs out of her eyes. Jaime’s boyfriend, Will is a boring bio-ethics professor who wears two-day stubble and the standard ill-fitting sport coat over a ratty Gap shirt. Will claims he loves Jaime because she’s “different” and “unexpected,” which is also the way one might describe the day you mistakenly wore your underwear backwards and realized the sensation pleased you. Is that all he can muster… different and unexpected? The last time I experienced different and unexpected was when I accidentally bought an “all natural” toothpaste and instead of being met with minty freshness and cool winter breeze, I got a mouthful of proplis and myrrh. It wasn’t pleasant. But for Jaime Sommers, it’s all more than enough. If there was ever a character that needed to be re-built, it’s Jaime Sommers. And if there ever was a character you hoped would be hit broadside by a semi truck going eighty miles an hour, it’s Jaime Sommers.


The good news is both of these things happen to Jaime Sommers. The bad news is you have to sit through about eleven minutes of set-up, boring back story, and Jaime’s bratty little sister Becca, who demonstrates her angst by playing her music too loudly, defiantly eating pop tarts for breakfast and generally stomping and screaming around the way I did as a kid when my sister wouldn’t leave the living room so I could watch Small Wonder without anybody knowing I liked it.

Post-car crash, Will is nearly unscratched, but Jaime unfortunately is a Manwich from scalp to shoe. Fortunately, Will also sidelines for some super-secret non-specific organization that operates underground and has miles and miles of dimly lit corridors, high-tech conference rooms and a fully functioning OR, complete with nightclub lighting and an overhead lounge where his superiors can blurt out the standard nefarious but ultimately meaningless lines such as “this operation doesn’t officially exist, and “we have deniability.”

Around this point, I started thinking about going on-line and seeing if there were any clips from Small Wonder on YouTube. Heck, at this point, staring at a Small Wonder lunchbox would have been more fun. And that’s really the problem with this new version of The Bionic Woman. This show has next to no fun. It’s all darkness with no light to counter it. That light should be the character of Jaime, but instead Jaime remains dour and sullen before, during and after her megabyte makeover. The back stories for all the supporting characters are showered with tragic deaths, noble regrets and daddy issues. And I can’t recall a single scene that had the sun in it. The original Bionic Woman took itself seriously too, but it also found time to wink at the audience now and again. Exploring an actual emotional range is important for any show that’s gonna ask me to watch for an hour and care about anyone in it.

The effects were hit and miss as well. We all know the scene NBC leaked at the beginning of summer where a battered and bandaged Jaime throws back her hospital bed sheet and shrieks at the site of her robotic replacement legs. Interestingly, they seemed to have gone back to the drawing board with this particular effect, but the result doesn’t really, look any more convincing. The C3PO feet looked ridiculous, but the upgrade just looks plain uninspired.



In addition, Jaime’s super-speed running shown as a blurry streak with a face pasted on the end of it was laughable, and hearing her rapid clippity-cloppity footsteps made me wonder if she was fighting to save the day or win the Belmont Stakes.


But there is an upside, and it’s a great one. It turns out that Jaime is actually the second Bionic Woman. The first is named Sarah Corvus (Katee Sackhoff), and not only was she the one driving the semi that hit Jaime and Will, but she has also gone “Bionic Berzerkers” which means she slicks back her blond hair and wears nothing but black, making her a cross between a Hitchcock Blond and a Matrix-inspired bitch goddess. She’s a neck-snapping, weapon-toting smokes-in-the-rain without an umbrella kind of gal, and she has actually gone so far as to replace some of her remaining human parts with bionics she installed herself, though how she knew how to do this is not explained. But hey, I know a doctor that performed liposuction on himself, so I’m gonna throw in on this one. Sarah Corvus is too cool for the room. In fact, she’s too cool for this series. If they don’t do something to create a real contrast between her and Jaime, instead of making them so much alike (save for wardrobe), she’s gonna run away with the show.

I’m going to skip the parts where Will tells Jaime that her bionics have actually hard-wired her to be a killing machine and if she doesn’t learn how to control them, she could end up as whacked-out as Sarah. And I’m also going to skip the part where in response to this horrifying revelation, Jaime goes to bed with him. And I’m really going to skip the Superman inspired scene where a little girl witnesses Jaime turbo-running and when her mother admonishes her not to make up stories, the little girl throws out one of those lamely injected “girl power” moments by saying, “I just thought it was cool that a girl could do that, that’s all.”

Of course, this whole hour is really all about the countdown to the inevitable “Jaime versus Sarah” rooftop battle, and when it finally happens, there are the requisite no-longer-impressive “leaping incredible bounds” effects injected in so NBC can fool people into thinking they might be watching Heroes. And even this becomes ridiculous, when Sarah calls a time out in the fight by actually saying “time out,” and then giving a lame Bond villain exposition before calling “time in” and promptly breaking Jaime’s non-bionic arm, which Jaime is miraculously able to use only moments later to hang on to the side of the building Sarah has thrown her over.

Oh, and Jaime was pregnant before the car accident, so once she discovers that Sarah was the one driving the semi, the ads in TV Guide can start saying things like “Now… it’s personal.” Just you wait.

And that’s the all-new souped-up Bionic Woman for 2007. The good news is that there’s a lot of potential. The even better news is that if it becomes a success, the original series may finally be released on Region One DVD.

But the best news is that I discovered there are tons of clips of Small Wonder on YouTube. You know you watched it. "La, la, la-la-la-la. She’s fantastic, made of plastic, microchips here and there… She’s a miracle, and I grant you, she’ll enchant you at first sight! La, la, la-la-la-la!"

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7:51 PM | |

Friday, June 29, 2007 

Mrs. Potts Gets What's Coming to Her

I didn't like her goody two-shoes act in the movie, and I'm happy to see the busybody teapot humiliated in front of no doubt tens of fans at the "Beauty and the Beast" live show at the Disney Resort in Florida.

In truth, if I had to dance around in one of those plexiglass/stryfoam body prisons, I probably wouldn't demonstrate much more grace. Shit, I go to Disneyland three or four times a year and stuff like this never happens when I've got the camera rolling!

9:49 AM | |

Sunday, May 13, 2007 

SuperTrip 2007 - San Francisco, Grace Cathedral, Cable Cars, Legion of Honor, Azul Bar and more!

What do to when you've got about 2 minutes of quality footage from your tip to San Francisco, but you're dying to put it to a song that's over four minutes in length?

You quickly learn how to manipulate the finer function of Final Cut Pro and you get creative!

The result? Part one of my footage from SuperTrip 2007 with MG! I was inspired by my boy's spontaneous rendition of "I Did it All for the Nookie" in the back seat of the convertible on the way to the Legion of Honor, and figured the best way to showcase it was to use the song as a whole. Mix in some footage from the Golden Gate Bridge, the Cable Car Museum, a grumpy cat, bar art from the Azul and some archive footage and a masterpiece was born. Pics from this segment of the trip follow below. Please let me know what you think.

Also, if you can share with me tips on how to embed a QuickTime file into blogger, I'd be happy to replace this with a non-compressed, much more vivid version currently sitting on my hard drive and waiting to find a home on cyberspace.

Enjoy!

ST2K7

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12:09 PM | |

Wednesday, May 09, 2007 

Kate Walsh and the "Grey's Anatomy" Spin off - Ellen DeGeneres Show

Ellen knows how to get right to the bottom of things. Check out this clip from the Thursday, May 10th show. Tired of wondering whether or not Kate Walsh's "Grey's Anatomy" spin-off will get picked up for the fall by ABC? Me too! And apparently Ellen is as well so smack in the middle of the interview, she decides to call Steve McPherson, President of ABC Entertainment and gets the answer! I love people who cut through the BS and get the answers!

Enjoy!

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12:12 PM | |

Wednesday, April 04, 2007 

NBC shows signs of Prime Time Competence!

30 Rock has just gotten the go for Season Two, which means I can now spend the $29.95 I had ear-marked for the first (and what I thought would be only) season Box Set complete with zero extras and lousy cardboard flip out packaging on Ketel One vodka instead!

But such will not be the case. NBC has done right by me!

As a reward, I may even sample the pitiful-looking Real Wedding Crashers when it premieres later this month.

Based on Rock's timeslot opposite that show with the lisping girl who's a doctor of some sort, I can understand why no one is watching, but what I can't understand is why television critcs, bloggers and journalists aren't giving it more praise and mentions for its masterful delivery of quick, sharp, topical jokes every single week.

30 Rock airs right after the Super-Sized episode of The Office this Thursday. If you can't be pulled away from ABC, at least give it a Tivo sampling.

It's really funny. Any show that can shoot Wayne Brady in the ass at the Source Awards and make a romantic pairing out of Alec Baldwin and Condoleeza Rice is worth the investment of your time!

Maybe now the first season box set with come with a commentary track and trading cards!

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1:45 PM | |

Friday, March 30, 2007 

Hollywood on Fire

A few pics of the fire that is currently raging in Los Angeles, taken by MG from his viewpoint in Hollywood. I'm on the other side of the hill right now in Burbank, less than a mile from the Oakwood Apartments where the blaze started.


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3:51 PM | |

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 

...What Do I Plan on Doing Tonight?


Based on what I just picked up at Vons, I apparently plan to clean, get drunk and then record stuff. I guess we'll see how it plays out.

8:00 PM | |

Monday, March 19, 2007 

...When the McCartan School of Irish Dance Made My Office Tremble

OK, first watch the McCartan School of Irish Dance performers pound the boards on the 2007 St. Patrick's Day episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show.



Charming, right?

Now, the ugly truth.

Watch the video below of my office in the firm grasp of severe Irish jig tremors as the dancers rehearse in the conference room on the other side of my wall.

Though this video is mercifully brief, don't be fooled. They were at it for hours. They even brought in lunch for them so they wouldn't have to stop.

Feel bad for me. Feel worse for my fishies!

And as a special bonus, one of my co-workers snuck in when I was downstairs and left me a message at the end of the video. Be sure to watch for it. What a freak!

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2:30 PM | |

Thursday, March 15, 2007 

When I Met Bob Barker

I waited outside the man's dressing room for over ten minutes trying to figure out what I wanted to say. I've been hooked on TPIR since I was a kid (if you've followed my blog over the last few months you've probably already figured that out) and truly he is one of the major reasons I wound up working in non-scripted television. You have to figure that a guy who is as beloved by so many generations of people as he is, at heart, must be a pretty decent fellow, and I certainly was not disappointed. I asked him if he planned on writing a book, and when he said he wasn't sure there would be a lot of interest, I told him I thougt he had really mis-judged what the world thinks of him. He was very laid back about who would replace him on the show, and really seemed to hope that whoever gets the job manages to run away with it. No bitterness about leaving at all - I suppose that's because he's doing it entirely on his terms and while he is still at the top of his game. Would that we could all be that fortunate.

It was a dream come true getting to ask him questions, discuss what I thought about the different games on the show, swap the names of mutual friends in the business, and thank him for the years of superb hosting and overall genuine entertainment, I almost decided to forego asking for a picture, but when I remembered I had the digi-cam in my back pocket, I went ahead and asked, and he was more than happy to oblige me.



It will be tough to watch TPIR with anyone else at the helm, and Bob's not giving much in the way of clues as to who is coming after him. it's pretty tough to find anyone in the industry who has managed to stay at job for one year, let alone 35! Truly a once in a lifetime moment for me.


Past "Price is Right" Entries
TPIR Hotties of the week
When the contestants get surly on "The Price is Right."

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1:16 PM | |

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 

Watch "30 Rock" this Thursday!

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1:00 PM | |

 

Dark Roasted Blend: Religion Can Be Funny!


One of my favorite stopping posts during my long, torturous day is Dark Roasted Blend which is never without a recent addition of off-the-wall galleries, many pics from which now grace my office door and get lots of compliments (anyway I can garner more attention for myself!). Today, it's all about Nuns and Guns. Hit the link above for more! Pics from some of its recent posts are below. And the last one is just me looking hot (again... garner, attention,myself).




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10:49 AM | |

Friday, February 23, 2007 

The Oscars: The Worst of the Best


Rotten Tomatoes has released its ranking of all 79 Oscars winners for Best Picture from worst to best, based on critical consensus, and has named The Greatest Show on Earth as the Worst Best Picture ever!

"The Greatest Show on Earth is melodramatic, short on plot, excessively lengthy and bogged down with clichés, but not without a certain innocent charm."

This is sure to wipe Britney off homepages around the globe!

Has anyone ever seen this movie? Is it about a circus? Did a movie about the circus actually take home an Oscar for Best Picture?

Anyway, I have to work Sunday during the Oscars, so I don't feel real compelled to put in much effort at the job right now. Plus, Rotten Tomatoes takes a long time to jump from one page to the next, and each one of these films is on its own page (boy they'll be racking up the stats), so I'll take you through the high(low)lights.

Of the bottom ten pictures listed, I don't think I've seen any. Sure, I've heard of The Great Ziegfeld but weren't there a bunch of those Follies type movies made that also had the word Ziegfeld in the title? Aren't they all pretty much the same... overhead shots of chorus girls in a circle with feather boas over their heads and then... boom! They drop their boas down to the floor so it looks like some goofy oversized flower opening up? That's the oldest trick in the book

Crash is number 74! God, no one's ever gonna get me to watch that movie. I wasn't all Brokeback or anything, but no movie with Sandra Bullock in it should ever win anything.

#72 - Forrest Gump - "An overly sentimental film with a somewhat problematic message, but its sweetness and charm are occasionally enough to approximate true depth and grace." Laura hates this flick. She refers to it as "that lame movie where Tom Hanks is ugly and stupid and he grows a long beard and runs all the way to Vietnam."

#64 - Driving Miss Daisy - Everyone knocks this movie and Jessica Tandy for winning, but whenever I catch this movie playing on TBS, I always sit down and watch it, no matter how much of it I've missed. of course, I do the same thing with My Fellow Americans and A Very Brady Sequel so maybe I don't have much of a point.

#62 - Gigi - "Gaston, do you make love all the time?" (That's for Laura)

#53 - The English Patient. I spent two and a half hours counting the teeny tiny light bulbs embedded in the floor of the theatre aisles. I'll cover my tongue in honey and staple it to a beehive before I watch this cow stool again.

#52 - How Green Was My Valley - I took my friends Sean and Kirk to see this movie about a Welsh mining town because I love it so much, and they snickered through the whole thing! I've hated and looked down a little at Sean ever since. If you have a chance, rent it. It'll be the best 5 hours of your life.

#50 - Ordinary People - This is one of those movies that I've only seen once and don't plan on ever seeing again. Even though I loved it, it's an ordeal - Mary Tyler Moore is a frigid bitch, Donald Sutherland is a eunoch, and Timothy Hutton wins an Oscar for barking through the family photo session. Creepy and sad. I don't want to know that families like this exist.

#42 - American Beauty - Really good. Impressive family drama. I watch it every week. I especially like it when Sally Field's character butts in and her kids drink wine and complain about her in the linen closet, and Calista gets all doe-eyed for some handsome actor who was big in the 80's and trips on her high heel. Do I have the right series?

#41 - Terms of Endearment - I love the kid who plays Debra Winger's first son during his earlier years because he totallly improvs lines through the whole thing and they kept them all in the movie. Who could forget his stunning delivery on "oops I dropped my gum." Serious chops.

#40 - Ben Hur - I'm sick of hearing about the god-damn chariot race. I mean, I know I'll be impressed if I ever see it, but is there anything else in this film worth mentioning? Ever? Plus, the cover of the DVD box is orange and I don't like orange.

#38 - I didn't really get why this movie about divorce was such a big deal when I saw it as a kid. But man did I freak when the kid falls off the monkey bars with his model airpline, and the glass from the little window cuts open his eye! I could totally relate to that.


#36 - Million Dollar Baby - I think this is the first movie I went and saw with my Million Dollar Baby, who if he ever becomes a drooling, tonge-biting drain on my fun, I will totally pull the plug on. Also, this movie would have been way cooler if instead of Hilary Swank, they used Mary-Kate Olsen.

#33 - Hamlet - Shakespeare is boring

#32 - Shakespeare in Love - see 33

#30 - The Lost Weekend - This story about addiction has not really aged all that well. Drink a martini and smoke a lot of dope before you watch it. Or just drink a martini, smoke a lot of dope and watch Xanadu.

#25 - The Sting - this movie bores me. They should have put a kid who says "Oops I dropped my gum" somewhere in it. Or maybe John Lithgow pulling up to another car that also just pulled up, honking and saying with an dopey over-excited grin, "We both got here at the same time!" Anyone? Anyone?

People keep coming in and asking me about work. Fridays suck.

#24 - The Silence of the Lambs - Oscar winner or not, I don't think I could come up with 23 films I like more than this one. Too bad they've sequelized it to death. The only thing left is "Kid Hannibal" on the Disney Channel.

#23 - It Happened One Night - this is one of the movies I would Netflix, look at sitting on the shelf for a week, send back, then Netflix again, and never watch. Why do I do that?

#20 - Patton - The only scene anyone ever shows is him talking in front of the great big American flag. Is there more to it? Seriously, have you ever seen another clip played when this movie is being referenced?

#19 - Unforgiven - looks great on my new 42-inch LCD.

#18 - Schindler's List - I suppose if they didn't put it this high, someone would start some kind of petition or something.

#16 - The French Connection - really smart action movie, gritty and real, excpet Gene Hackman's first name is Popeye and no on ever makes a funny about it.

#15 - Amadeus - this is the first DVD I ever bought. I still haven't opened it.

#13 - An American in Paris - I watched this for the first time the day after I watched Singin' in the Rain for the first time and Rain is way better. The dancing and the music in Paris are amazing, and the film is gorgeous to look at, but the story sucks balls.

#12 - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - My hygeine teacher showed us this movie in high school. I don't know why.

#7 - The Best Years of Our Lives - Clearly a misprint, unless the judging panel was my grandma and her bingo buddies.

#6 - Marty - Ernest Bornine is way better in The Poseiden Adventure when his girlfriend who doesn't wear panties falls off the railing into the fiery water and he screams, "Linda! Linda! My Linda! Linda Linda! Linda! uh... line? Oh yeah... LIIIIINNNNDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAA!"

#5 - Rebecca - the birth of the nefarious lesbian housekeeper.

#4 - Sunrise - Yeah, this didn't win an Oscar for Best Picture. It won for Best Unique and Artistic Production, you idiots!

#3 - All About Eve - Shit, I still haven't see The Godfather on here which means it's #2 or #1

#2 - On the Waterfront - aw fuck,

#1 - The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas!

Just kidding. Yeah, it's The Godfather This list sucks. I refuse to provide a hyperlink. Find it yourselves, fucktards. Enjoy the Oscars!

10:08 AM | |

Thursday, February 22, 2007 

Amillia Taylor, World's Youngest Surviving Premature Baby


The picture is almost too unreal looking to believe, but those are the feet of an actual, breathing baby, born after just over five months in the womb. When Amillia Taylor was born on October 24th, 2006, she was 9.5 inches long and only 10 ounces heavy!

To give you a comparsion, here are some other things that weigh ten ounces:

A half-jar of preserves

A ceramic lizard mug

A botle of hot sauce

Now 17 weeks old, Amillia is expcted to be realeased from the hospital within the next few days. She was originally scheduled to go home on the 19th, but it was decided that she should stay under observation for a while longer.

With proper care and attention, she is expected to go on to live a totally normal life. Amazing!

Pic from Cellar Image of the Day, which also has a pic of what the much healthier (and larger) Amillia is looking like right now

11:58 AM | |

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