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Gary Green

Thursday, July 20, 2006 

...When I Secretly Dreamed of Being a Fembot

I know that, as a little boy, I was supposed to prefer football to the Oscars, Pam to Bobby, and the Six Million Dollar Man to The Bionic Woman. But aside from discovering how fast my propellors spun at the site of his hairy chest, there was really nothing Lee Majors was ever gonna be able to teach me. Plus The Six Million Dollar Man's storylines were always boring government spy tales: espionage, defecting Russians, pursuit of dull government papers, etc... while over at The Bionic Woman, Jamie Sommers would routinely investigate things like poltergeists, doomsday machines, vampires, haunted houses and of course, the FEMBOTS, the most terrifying creatures ever imagined.

Beautiful but deadly, shrewd and feminine on the outside, super-strength robotics and dangerous sharklike instincts on the inside. Could kiss a man and break his neck in the next second.

In short, everything I could ever hope to be in life.

This episode, "Kill Oscar," was part of a three-part fembot storyline. Back then, two-parters were par for the television course, but you knew the story was gonna be eye-popping riveting goodness if it took THREE WHOLE EPISODES to tell it. I mean, it was no longer just television, it was IMPORTANT! And The Six Million Dollar Man actually crossed-over in parts 2 and 3 to help Jamie. Unprecedented!

Jamie Sommers goes up against supervillain John Houseman, who has perfected his robotic female replicas. Their mission? Kidnap important secretaries in the OSI and assume their identities.

Houseman's ultimate goal was to hold the world ransom with his awe-inspiring weather-control device, able to whip up a Level 5 hurriane anyplace in the world within seconds. I'm not quite sure why, if he had such a phenomenal weapon as a weather device, he had to separately take time away to invent evil female robots as well, but I guess that's why I'm not a super-villain.

This episode scared me almost as much as the Little House blind school fire, and this scene, the climacitc battle that ended the first of the three parts is the reason why.

One small problem, it would seem that once Jamie Sommers knocked off the red head's face-plate, she could have just stuck a bic pen into all the wiring and short-circuited her. Hell, a glass full of club soda would have worked as well. But instead, Jamie chooses a window on a very high story of a building as her means of escape, to terribly unfortunate results, as you are about to see. Enjoy!

wow gold opportunity!

omg i love this post.

I love making you smile tejaz!

OMG, I love this post, too! I got into sooo much trouble for drawing pics of Jamie Sommers battling the Fembots in my bible when I was bored in church at the age of 8. It was worth it, and the poorly-erased artistic efforts of this biono-phile remain in my copy of the Holy Book to this day! :)

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